Saturday, April 21, 2012

Random thoughts of the day. . .

I've never been accused of thinking along normal lines. Which payed off in third grade when I got put into the advanced program, but also almost got me institutionalized. Apparently, I wrote a very graphic tale about a girl whose dad turned into a werewolf (which I believe she was aware of) and she killed him. . . I really wish I could find that story now because I bet it would be a good read, but I'm pretty sure its in a dumpster somewhere. Just another casualty of foreclosure. Poor little story, never even knew what hit it. Oh, well. At least it will decompose naturally.

See what I mean about not thinking along normal lines? To me, the world is full of connections. Everything connects and I usually find myself passing off odd comments about things that connect to me, but not to others as "jokes" or "sarcasm". . . Its somehow easier to think that people just don't understand your humor than to think that they don't appreciate your thought patterns.

I need to remember this, though. Because it looks like my oldest daughter is going to be like me and then some. This year, in first grade, she was put into the target program. And last week, she brought home a drawing of what she wanted to be when she grows up. Apparently, she wants to be an FBI agent and "catch the killers". I'm pretty sure that she got that from Criminal Minds, which I love but don't watch with her. . . but my dad has been known to fall asleep watching ncis and not wake up until Criminal Minds is over. She was quick to reassure me that the school counselor saw her picture before the blood was added, but to my chagrin I found myself telling her she should be drawing pictures of rainbows and fairies and princesses and happy, girly things. . . because she's a 7 year old girl. Its funny how quickly you forget where you came from. Less than 20 years ago, I was that kid that thought along different paths. Does she think along abnormal paths because she is my child or did God give her to me because she thinks along abnormal paths? Its like what came first, the chicken or the egg, LOL. Either way, I should be the first adult to appreciate that in my child. Because I'm sure there will be plenty of adults who don't.

Like the teacher that sent me home info about an ADHD breakfast. My child can sit through a movie without blinking if she likes it. She read a 200 page chapter book in a week. She can concentrate on things if she's interested in them. But she reads at a 3rd grade level and they teach at a first grade level. Of course she bounces off the wall. She's bored. And she thinks along seemingly random paths like her mom. I can totally see how that looks like ADHD. But it isn't. She's just a deep thinker, too bored to sit for 7 hours a day and be bored quietly and I am grateful for that. I just wish I had noticed it and appreciated it before now.

I bet you're wondering what brought this thought to mind, what connection led to this path? Well, there are a few things that have led me here. First, Pastor has been talking a lot about being real and sharing our struggles and not just sugar coating reality so its more palatable, which made me think about how I pass off my different thinking as not *real* thoughts, but jokes or sarcasm. Also, I have found myself thinking a lot lately about how much I've changed and how much I am still the same. Like last week, I was getting ready to go to work and found myself looking for something "conservative" and "modest" to wear, which totally cracked me up because I work at the same church that I enjoyed dressing provocatively at while I was in middle school and high school and I thought "what would the people who knew me in high school think of me now". That is a misleading thought, because it probably makes you think I care what people I knew in high school think. The funny thing is, when I wonder what they think, I'm not really wondering what my friends from high school would think, but what the people who didn't like me in high school would think. They didn't know me to start off with, just how I dressed and I really don't care what anyone I knew would think, but it amuses me to think that my current level of amiability and propriety would probably scandalize those who once knew of me. . .

Anyways, those are just a few of my random thought processes of the present. I'm sure I'll be blogging again soon enough because I've got plenty more to say that is still processing. . .

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