Sunday, October 10, 2010

Bends in the road

Its funny how when you start out on a journey, you start out expecting to end up in one place and sometimes find yourself making strange detours along the way or arriving somewhere else entirely. If you're driving, you call that getting lost, but what do you call it when you're just living? I'm not really sure.

When I started this blog, it was to help me stay accountable on my journey to being a better mom and I guess I'm still on my way there, but I expected to arrive there with a participating partner at my side, not as a single mom and I have to admit that this detour has derailed me a bit.

I guess that's normal. I mean, who ever expects to have their partner abandon them and their children? Who expects to be abandoned by the person they love, the person that professed to love them, when they are 35 weeks pregnant with their 4th child with said partner? I guess that would derail anyone.

I look at my girls and wonder how anyone could ever voluntarily turn their back on them for any reason? How could anyone voluntarily give up being a part of these children's lives? I'll be the first to admit I need a break every now and then, but I could never just walk away from them without looking back. Heck, I can barely take a break from them every now and then even when I know I need it. I'm working on that, though. I know I have to take care of myself to be able to take care of them and I'm a better mom when I force myself to take a break when I need it, whether I want it or not. Course now the only issue is figuring out what I can do when I take a break. . . What doesn't cost any money that I will enjoy doing that ideally has free childcare? So far, all I've come up with is church. . .

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