I've always wondered why some people call every trip they take a vacation. . . I mean, some trips are vacations for sure. Like going to Hawaii all expenses paid, not having to worry about anything but making sure you don't forget the sun screen. But other trips. . . not so much. Some trips are just road trips. Road trips can still be wonderful opportunities and some parts of them are even fun, but that does not make them a vacation. They are typically too stressful, too much like reality or too worklike to be a vacation.
That said, I'm pretty sure I stopped vacationing when I started having kids. Or maybe I am just having "working vacations" now. And I'm pretty sure that term is an oxymoron.
All kidding aside, though, this has been a hard trip for me. And not just because of the barfing in the car. Or starting my period for the first time in over 2 years. Or the typical stresses and hazards of driving for 20 hours straight with 4 kids in the car. Or because my great aunt died while we were here and we won't make it home in time for the funeral. It has been hard because I've been here before. Literally. We made this drive to Fort Sill for Labor Day 2010 to spend time with Joey. I remember the anticipation and excitement, happy expectations, joy to arrive and the enormous pain of having to leave. It was so easy to drive there and so hard to drive home. I got lost a lot on that trip, too. And that trip included driving through Dallas. (Dallas is like Atlanta only the roads are worse and the drivers are, too.)
This trip is hard because it makes me think about that trip. It was a good trip. We had a great time together. I thought we were happy and I thought we would be happy forever. And then it all blew up.
Its still hard to think about the good times. It still hurts. I still haven't learned to separate the good from the bad and discard the bad while benefiting from the good. Life is too much like oranges for me. I love the taste of oranges, but can't stand the white stuff between the orange and the peel. I spend way too much time peeling the orange and scraping off the white part and can never quite get it all off. It irritates me. For me, separating the pain from the good memories is about as easy as getting all the white stuff off of the orange. But its something I'm trying to learn. Life would be much easier if we could all find the benefit or the valuable lesson in each situation we find ourselves in. Imagine how much better off we'd be if we could use all the good we are ever exposed to to enrich our lives without letting it be diminished by any of the bad. I guess that's what we'll be like in heaven, only I don't imagine there will be any bad there.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, February 24, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentine's Day :)
Personally, I find Valentine's Day a pointless holiday. God doesn't value money or possessions and it seems to me that so much of this holiday (most holidays, really) revolves around money and things. Commercialism tells us that true love can only be expressed properly by spending the money to buy the things to make your significant other feel like they are important to you, whether they really are or not because every kiss begins with K. . . and kisses generally make for a happy ending (or the beginning to a happy ending) on Valentine's Day. The end justifies the means, which requires absolutely no thought and only the effort and cash flow to run to Kroger at 7 pm on February 13th to buy a box of chocolates that will go straight to her hips and a dozen roses that will be dead in a week.
We went to the grocery store last night and I was shocked by how many people were there last minute to buy chocolates and flowers. There was a tent in the parking lot and all that meant for me was less parking spots. I wondered how many people there were buying chocolates and flowers because they knew that's what their significant other enjoys and how many were buying them because society tells us that those are the appropriate Valentine's Day gifts. I wondered how many significant others would enjoy their gifts and how many would not. I wondered how many people were out buying gifts for their significant other for Valentine's Day because society dictates that today is the day to express that you care. . . and how many of them will not choose to express that they care again until the next Valentine's Day. Or birthday. Or Christmas. I wondered why people think its worth the effort on the "big" days, but not worth the effort on the little days in between. In my mind, since the little days outnumber the big ones, they should be more important, but clearly not everyone agrees with me. Which is saddening.
And so, I find Valentine's Day pointless. I find most holidays pointless. And yet, I was at Kroger last night to buy Valentine's Day cards and candy for my daughter so she would not feel left out at her school celebration today. We were going to make origami hearts and butterflies for her classmates, but as is typical with 7 kids under 1 roof, the kids got caught up playing and time ran away from us. So we made the last minute dash out to Kroger to get what she needed to enjoy the holiday because even though I think this holiday is pointless, my girls think this holiday is fun and having happy children is worth the less than $10 and the bit of frustration I endured at the store last night. Because I love them. And making this day happy for them in turn makes it happy for me.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed celebrating with your loved ones and when tomorrow comes, I hope you are just as happy to celebrate your love with those you love. Because love is what its all about. Love is important. Love is what held Jesus on the cross. Love should be celebrated daily, hourly, momentarily. . . not just on the big days and it should be celebrated because it exists, not because everyone agrees that it exists or that it should be celebrated. Buying perfunctory gifts without love in human relationships is the equivalent to perfunctory time spent with God. Love is about personal relationships and time and other resources should be spent out of love not out of a feeling of obligation. If your heart isn't in it, it just doesn't count.
As for me, today my Abba Father gifted me with a wonderful, relaxing trip to the grocery store (which is saying a lot considering I had my 3 youngest children with me), 4 children napping at the same time (so about an hour of uninterrupted me time), and an overall wonderful day. . . So even if Rory doesn't sleep through the night for her 3rd time ever (which would be sweet), I am very grateful for this day.
And frankly, I'm glad I didn't have to share it with someone who doesn't care about me. I am happy to wait upon the Lord until He decides to bring someone into my life. Because the person He has created for me is the only one I want to be with and I am happy to wait for that day and today, I am happy if that day never comes. Today was a good day. I don't say that often, but I hope to start saying it more often.
This is the day that the Lord has made and I am glad in it. And I hope you are, too.
We went to the grocery store last night and I was shocked by how many people were there last minute to buy chocolates and flowers. There was a tent in the parking lot and all that meant for me was less parking spots. I wondered how many people there were buying chocolates and flowers because they knew that's what their significant other enjoys and how many were buying them because society tells us that those are the appropriate Valentine's Day gifts. I wondered how many significant others would enjoy their gifts and how many would not. I wondered how many people were out buying gifts for their significant other for Valentine's Day because society dictates that today is the day to express that you care. . . and how many of them will not choose to express that they care again until the next Valentine's Day. Or birthday. Or Christmas. I wondered why people think its worth the effort on the "big" days, but not worth the effort on the little days in between. In my mind, since the little days outnumber the big ones, they should be more important, but clearly not everyone agrees with me. Which is saddening.
And so, I find Valentine's Day pointless. I find most holidays pointless. And yet, I was at Kroger last night to buy Valentine's Day cards and candy for my daughter so she would not feel left out at her school celebration today. We were going to make origami hearts and butterflies for her classmates, but as is typical with 7 kids under 1 roof, the kids got caught up playing and time ran away from us. So we made the last minute dash out to Kroger to get what she needed to enjoy the holiday because even though I think this holiday is pointless, my girls think this holiday is fun and having happy children is worth the less than $10 and the bit of frustration I endured at the store last night. Because I love them. And making this day happy for them in turn makes it happy for me.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed celebrating with your loved ones and when tomorrow comes, I hope you are just as happy to celebrate your love with those you love. Because love is what its all about. Love is important. Love is what held Jesus on the cross. Love should be celebrated daily, hourly, momentarily. . . not just on the big days and it should be celebrated because it exists, not because everyone agrees that it exists or that it should be celebrated. Buying perfunctory gifts without love in human relationships is the equivalent to perfunctory time spent with God. Love is about personal relationships and time and other resources should be spent out of love not out of a feeling of obligation. If your heart isn't in it, it just doesn't count.
As for me, today my Abba Father gifted me with a wonderful, relaxing trip to the grocery store (which is saying a lot considering I had my 3 youngest children with me), 4 children napping at the same time (so about an hour of uninterrupted me time), and an overall wonderful day. . . So even if Rory doesn't sleep through the night for her 3rd time ever (which would be sweet), I am very grateful for this day.
And frankly, I'm glad I didn't have to share it with someone who doesn't care about me. I am happy to wait upon the Lord until He decides to bring someone into my life. Because the person He has created for me is the only one I want to be with and I am happy to wait for that day and today, I am happy if that day never comes. Today was a good day. I don't say that often, but I hope to start saying it more often.
This is the day that the Lord has made and I am glad in it. And I hope you are, too.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Today, I deleted my online dating profiles. I finally figured out that doing anything out of desperation because "its the only thing you can think of to do" is probably a bad idea, but I hope God got a laugh out of it.
I had a "duh" moment where I told myself to stop being so silly, that God is sovereign and if he has someone out there for me, he is certainly more than capable of bringing him into my life without my help. Sometimes I can be really slow.
I thought online dating would be a way to break the ice and an outlet to talk to other adults, but I found I'd much rather talk to adults at church. . . partially in hope that there's a greater chance that anyone I might talk to at church shares my belief in God. Its amazing to me how even when you clearly state "you should only contact me if you are a Christian" there will still be plenty of people who contact you who don't believe in God. Or even worse, they want to tell you they will believe in God. . . for you. Its amazingly hard to explain to someone who doesn't know God just why it doesn't work that way.
Anyways, I don't even think I have time for a relationship now. All my time is occupied mothering and soaking up the Bible. And if God wants me to have more, he will send it in His time in His way.
Right now, I am encouraged by Secret Church (yes, still), any songs by Laura Story (especially Blessings), any songs by Josh Wilson (especially Fall Apart), and bball1989's videos on youtube (especially Sex, Marriage & Fairy Tales).
Oh, and I had a refreshing encounter last Sunday with my old Sunday school teachers. I couldn't remember their names and asked them and they told me and also said they always liked the fact that even when I was being difficult (and if you knew me in middle school and high school, you'd know I was more than difficult), I was always honest. I took it as a great compliment. And now I'm hoping they were thinking that I'm still honest and not that I'm still difficult. . .
Reminder: We can't control what happens in our lives, we can only control how we respond to what happens in our lives. Try learning something from everything you go through. And when it gets hard, remember God's grace is sufficient. Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
I had a "duh" moment where I told myself to stop being so silly, that God is sovereign and if he has someone out there for me, he is certainly more than capable of bringing him into my life without my help. Sometimes I can be really slow.
I thought online dating would be a way to break the ice and an outlet to talk to other adults, but I found I'd much rather talk to adults at church. . . partially in hope that there's a greater chance that anyone I might talk to at church shares my belief in God. Its amazing to me how even when you clearly state "you should only contact me if you are a Christian" there will still be plenty of people who contact you who don't believe in God. Or even worse, they want to tell you they will believe in God. . . for you. Its amazingly hard to explain to someone who doesn't know God just why it doesn't work that way.
Anyways, I don't even think I have time for a relationship now. All my time is occupied mothering and soaking up the Bible. And if God wants me to have more, he will send it in His time in His way.
Right now, I am encouraged by Secret Church (yes, still), any songs by Laura Story (especially Blessings), any songs by Josh Wilson (especially Fall Apart), and bball1989's videos on youtube (especially Sex, Marriage & Fairy Tales).
Oh, and I had a refreshing encounter last Sunday with my old Sunday school teachers. I couldn't remember their names and asked them and they told me and also said they always liked the fact that even when I was being difficult (and if you knew me in middle school and high school, you'd know I was more than difficult), I was always honest. I took it as a great compliment. And now I'm hoping they were thinking that I'm still honest and not that I'm still difficult. . .
Reminder: We can't control what happens in our lives, we can only control how we respond to what happens in our lives. Try learning something from everything you go through. And when it gets hard, remember God's grace is sufficient. Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Funny Thing About Pain
I know, my titles are usually weird, but maybe you think this one is weirder than usual. I mean, there are good things about pain -- it tells you you're alive and lets you know when to stop/when you're doing something hazardous to your health and well being. But what can be funny about pain? Well, in my opinion the funny thing about pain is that you can become accustomed to it.
Our bodies are so adaptable. You can become so accustomed to being in pain that it no longer feels painful. It feels normal. You can become so accustomed to being in pain that you don't even realize you were in pain until the pain is gone and then you wonder how long its been gone. Sometimes the absence of pain can almost feel painful. Its like taking a hot shower and gradually turning up the heat until it damages your skin without you even noticing it or boiling a frog. Did you know if you start off with warm water and gradually heat it up, the frog will stay in the pot and be boiled alive?
A while ago, a dear friend commented that in all the time he's known me (about 18 years), I was the most miserable while I was married to Joey. I totally disregarded it as just something people say when you get divorced. Just one of "those" comments that means nothing, but is somehow meant to make you feel better. And then, as I have found myself more, I realized that he was right. As I learn more about the me I am in the aftermath, I can clearly see that I was in pain and now I can feel the pain has receded some and I have no idea when it receded. Or why. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I haven't had any magical healing experience. I have only started to get to know myself and started to realize how much I like myself without him here. It is so much easier to like me without being yoked to someone who was supposed to love me, but didn't. Its so much easier to like me when there's no one here to tell me I'm a frog, no one here to turn up the heat. Its like finally exhaling after holding your breath for longer than you ever thought possible or like finally breathing in clean air. Its freeing, liberating, beautiful. Its hard not to inhale too much at once. And its about time.
Our bodies are so adaptable. You can become so accustomed to being in pain that it no longer feels painful. It feels normal. You can become so accustomed to being in pain that you don't even realize you were in pain until the pain is gone and then you wonder how long its been gone. Sometimes the absence of pain can almost feel painful. Its like taking a hot shower and gradually turning up the heat until it damages your skin without you even noticing it or boiling a frog. Did you know if you start off with warm water and gradually heat it up, the frog will stay in the pot and be boiled alive?
A while ago, a dear friend commented that in all the time he's known me (about 18 years), I was the most miserable while I was married to Joey. I totally disregarded it as just something people say when you get divorced. Just one of "those" comments that means nothing, but is somehow meant to make you feel better. And then, as I have found myself more, I realized that he was right. As I learn more about the me I am in the aftermath, I can clearly see that I was in pain and now I can feel the pain has receded some and I have no idea when it receded. Or why. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I haven't had any magical healing experience. I have only started to get to know myself and started to realize how much I like myself without him here. It is so much easier to like me without being yoked to someone who was supposed to love me, but didn't. Its so much easier to like me when there's no one here to tell me I'm a frog, no one here to turn up the heat. Its like finally exhaling after holding your breath for longer than you ever thought possible or like finally breathing in clean air. Its freeing, liberating, beautiful. Its hard not to inhale too much at once. And its about time.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Scraping off the paint
There is a poem I read as a teenager that I've always loved. Its called Paintbrush, author unknown, and I read it in a Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul book:
I keep my paintbrush with me,
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up,
So the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show me to you,
Afraid of what you'll do,
That you might laugh or say mean things,
I'm afraid I might lose you.
I'd like to remove all of my paint coats,
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
Now my coats are all stripped off,
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You're my friend pure as gold.
I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
And hold it in my hand.
I want to keep it handy,
In case somebody doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true.
But I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
Until I love me too.
I loved this poem. It was my mantra. It reinforced the idea that it was ok to act like someone I wasn't to protect myself. And I guess that was ok for then.
But I think I've finally gotten to the point where I love me, too. So now I am trying to strip off all my paint coats and show everyone the real, true me. Because I've seen the damage that comes when you marry someone while you've got your paintbrush handy. . . and it ain't pretty. I never want to make that mistake again.
Part of the problem, though, is I don't really know who I am. I'm still trying to figure that out. And maybe I won't ever figure that out completely. Right now, I know that I am a child of God, a single mother to 4 beautiful girls, a daughter, a sister, a friend. . . I try to do my best in everything I do. I'm not perfect. I'm opinionated, bossy, and intollerant of stupid people. I love children and cats and dogs (as long as they belong to someone else), good times, good friends and good food. I love life, fiber arts, and I want to learn how to dance. I'm sure I'll change and learn more about me along the way, but that's who I am now and I love me. :)
I keep my paintbrush with me,
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up,
So the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show me to you,
Afraid of what you'll do,
That you might laugh or say mean things,
I'm afraid I might lose you.
I'd like to remove all of my paint coats,
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
Now my coats are all stripped off,
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You're my friend pure as gold.
I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
And hold it in my hand.
I want to keep it handy,
In case somebody doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true.
But I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
Until I love me too.
I loved this poem. It was my mantra. It reinforced the idea that it was ok to act like someone I wasn't to protect myself. And I guess that was ok for then.
But I think I've finally gotten to the point where I love me, too. So now I am trying to strip off all my paint coats and show everyone the real, true me. Because I've seen the damage that comes when you marry someone while you've got your paintbrush handy. . . and it ain't pretty. I never want to make that mistake again.
Part of the problem, though, is I don't really know who I am. I'm still trying to figure that out. And maybe I won't ever figure that out completely. Right now, I know that I am a child of God, a single mother to 4 beautiful girls, a daughter, a sister, a friend. . . I try to do my best in everything I do. I'm not perfect. I'm opinionated, bossy, and intollerant of stupid people. I love children and cats and dogs (as long as they belong to someone else), good times, good friends and good food. I love life, fiber arts, and I want to learn how to dance. I'm sure I'll change and learn more about me along the way, but that's who I am now and I love me. :)
Monday, July 18, 2011
Friday Night Fever
Well, maybe not fever, but a darn good time. . .
This Friday night, I went to a Single Mother's Banquet at my church. I am in a single mom's Sunday school class and once a year they have a banquet for all the single moms. We had prime rib (I don't really eat beef, but I ate it and it tasted ok, but made me feel like crud afterwards), double chocolate cake, spinach, walnut, boiled egg and cranberry salad, and some veggies.
We listened to one of the ladies who sings in our choir sing Stronger by Mandisa, which I think is going to be my new theme song, and Lori Salierno spoke. It was fantastic. Lori definitely has the gift of gab and she really helped me a lot. I know it sounds stupid, but there was a small part of me that thought "if I was really a good Christian, Joey leaving shouldn't bother me. . ." but having someone who works in ministry struggle with the pain from divorce and her husband's infidelity just kinda freed me to feel how I feel without feeling guilty. I met a couple new IRL friends and just had a fantastic time. I wish I had taken pictures, but my sister hasn't found the charger for the camera she's letting me use yet, so I'll just have to add some pics later, I guess.
Sadly, that and going to a movie at the church with my single mom's Sunday school class is the only 2 Friday night events I've been to since before my husband left, so when I say I'm a homebody, I really do mean it. . . but I'm working on it, too. Both those events were in the last 6 weeks, so I guess I'm getting better.
This Friday night, I went to a Single Mother's Banquet at my church. I am in a single mom's Sunday school class and once a year they have a banquet for all the single moms. We had prime rib (I don't really eat beef, but I ate it and it tasted ok, but made me feel like crud afterwards), double chocolate cake, spinach, walnut, boiled egg and cranberry salad, and some veggies.
We listened to one of the ladies who sings in our choir sing Stronger by Mandisa, which I think is going to be my new theme song, and Lori Salierno spoke. It was fantastic. Lori definitely has the gift of gab and she really helped me a lot. I know it sounds stupid, but there was a small part of me that thought "if I was really a good Christian, Joey leaving shouldn't bother me. . ." but having someone who works in ministry struggle with the pain from divorce and her husband's infidelity just kinda freed me to feel how I feel without feeling guilty. I met a couple new IRL friends and just had a fantastic time. I wish I had taken pictures, but my sister hasn't found the charger for the camera she's letting me use yet, so I'll just have to add some pics later, I guess.
Sadly, that and going to a movie at the church with my single mom's Sunday school class is the only 2 Friday night events I've been to since before my husband left, so when I say I'm a homebody, I really do mean it. . . but I'm working on it, too. Both those events were in the last 6 weeks, so I guess I'm getting better.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
The pizza is good.
Its funny how, when you are mourning, which often happens on unintended journeys, the stupidest things can make you sad. Like pizza. Wo gets sad about pizza? Its cheesy and its yummy. . . Its a comfort food. . . and I used to make it with my husband.
I love pizza. Even when it makes me sad. And I'm not going to stop making or eating pizza just because it makes me sad. But I can't help but thin, while making it, about the fact that my husband isn't here and probably never will be again. And its not bcause he's dead. And its not because of anything I did. Its because one day he woke up and decided he just didn't want to be there anymore. One day, he decided being able to walk into a bar, drink as much as he wants and take home anyone who's willing to go with him was worth more than having a wife and 4 kids at home who adore him.
So here I am, making pizza by myself. Neing sad and lonely. Or as lonely as you can bewith 4 children ALWAYS there. And I know it won't last forever. And I hope someday I'll meet someone new. But for now, here I am. . . the pizza is good btw :)
I love pizza. Even when it makes me sad. And I'm not going to stop making or eating pizza just because it makes me sad. But I can't help but thin, while making it, about the fact that my husband isn't here and probably never will be again. And its not bcause he's dead. And its not because of anything I did. Its because one day he woke up and decided he just didn't want to be there anymore. One day, he decided being able to walk into a bar, drink as much as he wants and take home anyone who's willing to go with him was worth more than having a wife and 4 kids at home who adore him.
So here I am, making pizza by myself. Neing sad and lonely. Or as lonely as you can bewith 4 children ALWAYS there. And I know it won't last forever. And I hope someday I'll meet someone new. But for now, here I am. . . the pizza is good btw :)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A Book Review and A Goodbye
I just finished reading The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity by William P. Young 3 days ago and let me tell you, it was timely reading indeed. The book follows a father through the grieving process when his child is senselessly murdered. It is a book about his healing by Papa, who we know as Abba, Lord, God the Father. It talks about how he feels throughout the process, doesn't mince words, is raw and honest and offers a different view of the Trinity and Abba and helped me to see God in a way I hadn't previously. Obviously, with our human eyes, human vantage point and human concept of time, space, reality and purpose, we can never truly understand God completely, but I feel this book deepened my understanding.
Well, its one thing to conceptually understand and quite another to be given a real life example. Its one thing to read a book about a senseless tragedy and quite another to be confronted by a senseless tragedy yourself. Its so easy to hear about horrible crimes on the news and think "that's awful" and then go about your life like nothing happened and then tragedy strikes in your people-sphere and you realize that deep down you always had this erroneous, childish belief that tragedies were things that happened to "others." I'm sure we all have things that we think only happen to "others." Well, now I am sad to say I have one less thing in that category. And its funny to me that I had anything in that category at all. I have not lived a charmed life. In fact, this is probably the best time of my life. But I have never known anyone who was murdered.
Until now. Sunday, June 5, 2011, Shannon Marie Lawrence met her ex in a bank parking lot to bring him their children for his visitation time with them. There, in front of their 2 young children, he shot her 4 times in the face. Then he drove the children to his parents house and took her to the hospital where she was pronounces dead upon arrival.
My sister drove by the bank yesterday. There was a small part of the parking lot corded off by crime scene tape and nothing else. Nothing to mark that piece of ground as cursed. Nothing to show that that spot is the spot where the light of one of the world's most beautiful smiles was brutally, senselessly extinguished. Nothing to differentiate that part of the parking lot as different from the rest of the parking lot with the exception of crime scene tape that will be removed far too soon. People will park there again, never knowing. It sickens me. It baffles me. It derails me.
There are no words. No words to express what I feel. I alternate between wanting to barf and wanting to cry and in the meantime, I have done neither and I continue to feel terrible.
There are too many questions and not enough answers. Like why did this person still have visitation when he was arrested last year and charged with stalking, assault and battery? Father or not, why expose the children and Shannon to this type of danger? Why did they meet at a bank? Banks are closed on Sundays, parking lots empty, secluded. And then there are harder questions. Like why do the good die young? That stupid song has been stuck in my head for the past 2 days. I thought it was a stupid song before, but I somehow think it even stupider now that it makes more sense to me. . . and now that its stuck in my head. Why would anyone kill the mother of their children in front of their children? Even if you don't care about their mother, you should care about your own children. Why did he have a gun with him to pick up his children? That doesn't seem like a necessary tool for that job. . . Why bother to take her to the hospital at all after you shot her 4 times in the head? Clearly he wasn't thinking logically, but that only makes it harder for people who do think logically to comprehend what he did. And the questions get harder still. . . Like has this world always been this corrupt and full of evil? Or is this just part of a continuous downward spiral? And the hardest question of all -- Why? Just why?
I knew Shannon in high school. She was in my sister's grade. I was friends with her brother. I wasn't very nice in general in high school and I wasn't close friends with her, but I did like her and thinking about her now, every memory I have of her is of her smiling. She always had a smile on her face and she could light up a room. Her smile was infectious. It was hard to see her smiling face and not smile back, but I was goth/emoish so I tried. . . sometimes even a goth like me couldn't help but smile when I saw her. She was genuine, honest, and sweet. She was confident and beautiful. Looking at pictures of her since high school, it looks like she only got better. She was a beautiful mother. When she was with her children, her face glowed.
I haven't seen Shannon since high school and I was much different then. Becoming a mom changed me, made me a more positive person, brought me closer to God. I got back in touch with her brother, Justin, on FB and I found out she had children and still lived in this area. I thought we might enjoy hanging out with our kids, so I tried to friend her on FB a couple months ago. But she never got around to accepting my friend invite on FB. And now she never will. :*(
I feel helpless and awful and inadequate. I wish there was something I could do to help anyone. I know nothing will make this better, but I wish I could help just a little bit. Selfishly, I think helping someone else would probably help me, too. But I just don't know what to do. What do you do to counteract that magnitude of evil? I don't know. I feel like a sad, lost, little child. So I pray. I pray and I pray and I pray. I pray that good will come in the wake of this tragedy. I pray that Emma and Peter were protected from what happened, that even though they were there they somehow were spared from seeing it and thereby protected from having to deal with those images in the future. I pray that Shannon's mom will get custody of them because she loves them and they love her and they already lived with her, so I think it would be in the best interest of her and them. I pray for her family, for her friends, for me. I pray for her ex. Sometimes I pray for him in a Jaron and the Long Road to Love sense of the word, sometimes I pray for justice, I pray the book gets thrown at him and prison is a horrible experience. And then I pray for me. That I will understand that I can't understand everything. That I will get through this. That I will learn from this and not be completely derailed by this. That I will learn to take more pictures, to spend more time with my kids playing and less time worrying about how clean the floor is, that every moment is precious. Life is far too short and none of us know when our time is through. I pray. A lot.
I don't know how to express how I feel any better than I have and I know I have not done it justice. And I know I need to read that book again. But right now, I'm going to pick up Rory and give her and Addy and Evie and Izzy a hug and a kiss. . . and maybe ice cream with their lunch.
Well, its one thing to conceptually understand and quite another to be given a real life example. Its one thing to read a book about a senseless tragedy and quite another to be confronted by a senseless tragedy yourself. Its so easy to hear about horrible crimes on the news and think "that's awful" and then go about your life like nothing happened and then tragedy strikes in your people-sphere and you realize that deep down you always had this erroneous, childish belief that tragedies were things that happened to "others." I'm sure we all have things that we think only happen to "others." Well, now I am sad to say I have one less thing in that category. And its funny to me that I had anything in that category at all. I have not lived a charmed life. In fact, this is probably the best time of my life. But I have never known anyone who was murdered.
Until now. Sunday, June 5, 2011, Shannon Marie Lawrence met her ex in a bank parking lot to bring him their children for his visitation time with them. There, in front of their 2 young children, he shot her 4 times in the face. Then he drove the children to his parents house and took her to the hospital where she was pronounces dead upon arrival.
My sister drove by the bank yesterday. There was a small part of the parking lot corded off by crime scene tape and nothing else. Nothing to mark that piece of ground as cursed. Nothing to show that that spot is the spot where the light of one of the world's most beautiful smiles was brutally, senselessly extinguished. Nothing to differentiate that part of the parking lot as different from the rest of the parking lot with the exception of crime scene tape that will be removed far too soon. People will park there again, never knowing. It sickens me. It baffles me. It derails me.
There are no words. No words to express what I feel. I alternate between wanting to barf and wanting to cry and in the meantime, I have done neither and I continue to feel terrible.
There are too many questions and not enough answers. Like why did this person still have visitation when he was arrested last year and charged with stalking, assault and battery? Father or not, why expose the children and Shannon to this type of danger? Why did they meet at a bank? Banks are closed on Sundays, parking lots empty, secluded. And then there are harder questions. Like why do the good die young? That stupid song has been stuck in my head for the past 2 days. I thought it was a stupid song before, but I somehow think it even stupider now that it makes more sense to me. . . and now that its stuck in my head. Why would anyone kill the mother of their children in front of their children? Even if you don't care about their mother, you should care about your own children. Why did he have a gun with him to pick up his children? That doesn't seem like a necessary tool for that job. . . Why bother to take her to the hospital at all after you shot her 4 times in the head? Clearly he wasn't thinking logically, but that only makes it harder for people who do think logically to comprehend what he did. And the questions get harder still. . . Like has this world always been this corrupt and full of evil? Or is this just part of a continuous downward spiral? And the hardest question of all -- Why? Just why?
I knew Shannon in high school. She was in my sister's grade. I was friends with her brother. I wasn't very nice in general in high school and I wasn't close friends with her, but I did like her and thinking about her now, every memory I have of her is of her smiling. She always had a smile on her face and she could light up a room. Her smile was infectious. It was hard to see her smiling face and not smile back, but I was goth/emoish so I tried. . . sometimes even a goth like me couldn't help but smile when I saw her. She was genuine, honest, and sweet. She was confident and beautiful. Looking at pictures of her since high school, it looks like she only got better. She was a beautiful mother. When she was with her children, her face glowed.
I haven't seen Shannon since high school and I was much different then. Becoming a mom changed me, made me a more positive person, brought me closer to God. I got back in touch with her brother, Justin, on FB and I found out she had children and still lived in this area. I thought we might enjoy hanging out with our kids, so I tried to friend her on FB a couple months ago. But she never got around to accepting my friend invite on FB. And now she never will. :*(
I feel helpless and awful and inadequate. I wish there was something I could do to help anyone. I know nothing will make this better, but I wish I could help just a little bit. Selfishly, I think helping someone else would probably help me, too. But I just don't know what to do. What do you do to counteract that magnitude of evil? I don't know. I feel like a sad, lost, little child. So I pray. I pray and I pray and I pray. I pray that good will come in the wake of this tragedy. I pray that Emma and Peter were protected from what happened, that even though they were there they somehow were spared from seeing it and thereby protected from having to deal with those images in the future. I pray that Shannon's mom will get custody of them because she loves them and they love her and they already lived with her, so I think it would be in the best interest of her and them. I pray for her family, for her friends, for me. I pray for her ex. Sometimes I pray for him in a Jaron and the Long Road to Love sense of the word, sometimes I pray for justice, I pray the book gets thrown at him and prison is a horrible experience. And then I pray for me. That I will understand that I can't understand everything. That I will get through this. That I will learn from this and not be completely derailed by this. That I will learn to take more pictures, to spend more time with my kids playing and less time worrying about how clean the floor is, that every moment is precious. Life is far too short and none of us know when our time is through. I pray. A lot.
I don't know how to express how I feel any better than I have and I know I have not done it justice. And I know I need to read that book again. But right now, I'm going to pick up Rory and give her and Addy and Evie and Izzy a hug and a kiss. . . and maybe ice cream with their lunch.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
First I'd like to say Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and mothers-to-be out there, reading this. Mother's Day is a lovely day to honor our first friends, the beautiful, talented, caring, sharing women who raised us.
There is a saying "It takes a village to raise a child." In my opinion, supported by this quote and common sense, there are many mothers in each of our "villages" and we should take the opportunity today to honor all of them.
Today, I honor my mother, my best friend from 6th grade on's mother, my best friend from AL's mother, and my mom's best friend. They were all instrumental in shaping me into the woman and mother I am today and I thank God for their presences in my life. As usual, God knew what he was doing.
Today, I am a mother because God, in his infinite wisdom, chose to bless me with 4 beautiful daughters. Words cannot express how much I love them and how much they have helped me grow and helped to shape me into the woman and mother I am and the one I will someday be. I thank God for entrusting me with them and I ask Him to help me every step along the way. I know He will.
I also want to thank the members of my DDC, all mothers who walked through my pregnancy and Rory's birth with me. They have supported me from 2 pink lines through Joey leaving for basic and then leaving for "greener pastures." When I can't talk to anyone else, they are always there, never judgmental, just supporting me and loving me "and the greatest of these is love."
My Mother's Day gift to myself is honesty and patience. This is a difficult day for me because I am reminded of my failing. In my eyes, my first gift to my children was a bad father and that grieves me.
This is not an easy holiday for a single mom, that's for sure. Its probably right up there with Valentine's Day. You are surrounded by happy families and its just a constant reminder of what you no longer have and it hurts. Today, I am being patient with myself and allowing myself to work through this pain. It probably won't be a fun day. But I hope and pray to grow through it. And I thank God for one more day to spend with my children.
Happy Mother's Day :)
There is a saying "It takes a village to raise a child." In my opinion, supported by this quote and common sense, there are many mothers in each of our "villages" and we should take the opportunity today to honor all of them.
Today, I honor my mother, my best friend from 6th grade on's mother, my best friend from AL's mother, and my mom's best friend. They were all instrumental in shaping me into the woman and mother I am today and I thank God for their presences in my life. As usual, God knew what he was doing.
Today, I am a mother because God, in his infinite wisdom, chose to bless me with 4 beautiful daughters. Words cannot express how much I love them and how much they have helped me grow and helped to shape me into the woman and mother I am and the one I will someday be. I thank God for entrusting me with them and I ask Him to help me every step along the way. I know He will.
I also want to thank the members of my DDC, all mothers who walked through my pregnancy and Rory's birth with me. They have supported me from 2 pink lines through Joey leaving for basic and then leaving for "greener pastures." When I can't talk to anyone else, they are always there, never judgmental, just supporting me and loving me "and the greatest of these is love."
My Mother's Day gift to myself is honesty and patience. This is a difficult day for me because I am reminded of my failing. In my eyes, my first gift to my children was a bad father and that grieves me.
This is not an easy holiday for a single mom, that's for sure. Its probably right up there with Valentine's Day. You are surrounded by happy families and its just a constant reminder of what you no longer have and it hurts. Today, I am being patient with myself and allowing myself to work through this pain. It probably won't be a fun day. But I hope and pray to grow through it. And I thank God for one more day to spend with my children.
Happy Mother's Day :)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Moving Toward Minimalism
Moving is not fun. It involves a lot of culling and organizing, figuring out what's really important and wondering why you have 20 drawings that look exactly the same while simultaneously looking like nothing recognizable. And if you've ever seen my parents' basement (or even if you've just ever met me LOL), you would probably conclude (as I have) that the likelihood of me having minimalistic genes (as opposed to hoarding genes) is not very high. Although, now I'm wondering if their basement looks the way it does just because they wanted to keep everything we ever touched and never moved so never had to consider whether it was really important, which I can totally sympathize with at this point.
Genetic predispositions aside, I have recently developed an appreciation for minimalism. Less stuff = less stuff to clean, keep organized, find a place for and keep in its place. Its a beautiful thing to aim for and I appreciate the opportunity to cut down on the clutter. And yet, somehow, that does not make this any easier.
Add a very cranky 3 month old who just wants to be held all the time, and 2 gorilla girls who just want to play with the boxes (even though you would think the 6 year old would have outgrown the box fascination by now) and a 2 year old who wants to nurse all the time and that just makes anything you're doing harder, especially if its something you don't want to do.
There are 2 lessons to take from this. The first is enjoy the time you're in (I read a great post about this lesson here today). Regardless of your circumstances, it could almost always be worse and even if it couldn't be, its the only time you have. The past is gone, the future isn't here yet and whatever you're doing will not last forever and the parts that will last the longest are the impact you will have on the lives of those around you, not how clean you get your house. That's a hard one to remember. One day you might even miss whatever you're wishing away now, even if you can't imagine ever missing it. The second is do it right the first time. Yes, it takes longer to do it right, but if you do it right, you won't have to do it over again. Which in the long run will take less time.
So I am sitting here with Rory, enjoying her little gummy smiles and little baby coos, waiting for her to go back to sleep so I can go back to packing.
Genetic predispositions aside, I have recently developed an appreciation for minimalism. Less stuff = less stuff to clean, keep organized, find a place for and keep in its place. Its a beautiful thing to aim for and I appreciate the opportunity to cut down on the clutter. And yet, somehow, that does not make this any easier.
Add a very cranky 3 month old who just wants to be held all the time, and 2 gorilla girls who just want to play with the boxes (even though you would think the 6 year old would have outgrown the box fascination by now) and a 2 year old who wants to nurse all the time and that just makes anything you're doing harder, especially if its something you don't want to do.
There are 2 lessons to take from this. The first is enjoy the time you're in (I read a great post about this lesson here today). Regardless of your circumstances, it could almost always be worse and even if it couldn't be, its the only time you have. The past is gone, the future isn't here yet and whatever you're doing will not last forever and the parts that will last the longest are the impact you will have on the lives of those around you, not how clean you get your house. That's a hard one to remember. One day you might even miss whatever you're wishing away now, even if you can't imagine ever missing it. The second is do it right the first time. Yes, it takes longer to do it right, but if you do it right, you won't have to do it over again. Which in the long run will take less time.
So I am sitting here with Rory, enjoying her little gummy smiles and little baby coos, waiting for her to go back to sleep so I can go back to packing.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The past few months of my life
Hello, my internet friends. I bet you've wondered where I've been and what I've been doing since I haven't been blogging. Well, I have been busy, let me tell you.
Yes, let me tell you, but let me warn you, its a long story.
As some of you may know, last year was a very difficult year.
In January, I miscarried. I estimated that I had conceived sometime about November 2009, at which time I got really ill. And stayed ill until a couple weeks after I miscarried. It was a very hard time for me.
In February, my husband lost his job. Well, he really told his boss to shove it and thereby quit. He decided to join the Army. He signed his oath of enlistment the day after we found out I was pregnant again, sometime in March.
In May, he left for basic training. We drove to visit him in July when he graduated. We got to spend 2 days and 1 night with him. Then he headed off to AIT in OK. We drove from GA to OK to visit him for Labor Day, which was a fun trip in and of itse;f and resulted in us all being sick off and on for months after our return. The good thing about AIT was we got to talk a lot more. They let him keep his phone on him at all times since I had a higher risk pregnancy due to my miscarriage in January. The bad thing about AIT is they let him go out drinking a lot. He got a taste of the single life and he decided he liked it more than the married with kids life he had. Well, I guess there was a lot of bad things about AIT in my opinion.
He came home from AIT in September. He had a 2 week Hometown Recruiting program he was a part of so that we could have 2 more weeks at home before we had to move. That was nice.
He left us October 4th. I was 35 weeks pregnant with our 4th daughter. He brought his girlfriend and her baby (who had followed him to GA from OK and spent the weekend with him while he told me he was on a recruiting trip) into my home to collect his belongings and leave us. He cleared out our joint bank account, bought himself and his girlfriend phones and a new phone plan with Sprint, bought himself a new truck and took 2 weeks of leave (vacation time) to spend with his girlfriend in OK. He left us penniless (actually worse than penniless as he had overdrawn our bank account) with no food in the house since we were supposed to move with him the next day. He left me, sick with bronchitis and huge and pregnant and hormonal to be with his girlfriend. He left his children to spend time with hers. He deprived us of support so he could have play money to go out to eat with his girlfriend and buy himself new toys. Every month since then except for December, I have had to contact his superior officers to get him to support us with the little the Army requires him to send ($650 a month to support myself and 4 children) despite the fact that in that time he received $7200 for his bonus after taxes and filed taxes, claiming the children, and received the tax return, all of which he blew away. Last month he only sent us $125. He has still not met his youngest child and she was born November 9, 2010. Over 3 months ago.
You would think I would be used to this all by now, but it still hurts to type that. I am lonely and hurting and this has probably been the worst time in my life. Bar none. But it has also been the most clarifying time of my life. It has probably been the time in my life when I experienced the most spiritual growth. And it has probably been the best time of my life as well.
Despite the unhappiness and the pain, I have come to recognize who truly cares about my children and myself. I have felt the hand of God guiding me throughout this ordeal and I have chosen to trust in Him regardless of the circumstances and how I feel at any given moment. I have realized that God, in His infinite wisdom and with his all-encompassing perspective and all-encompassing love for all 5 of us, entrusted me with 4 beautiful daughters, knowing my husband would leave me, knowing the struggles we would go through and knowing all 5 of us more intimately than we know ourselves. He knew they were what was best for me and I was who would be the best mommy possible for them. For me, that is a wonderful and sobering calling, challenging me to live up to the potential God knows I have and to always do my best for them and for Him. I am learning to prioritize and spend my time more wisely.
So that about covers our past few months. It hasn't been fun, but, like nasty tasting medicine, has been good for us.
In the immediate future, we will be moving in with my sister and her family so that I can continue to take care of my children and be here for them since I cannot rely on my husband to support us. Soon I will be a divorced mom of 4. That's something I never thought I would have to say.
Once Rory is sleeping through the night, I plan on getting a part time job stocking shelves or cleaning offices, something that allows me to work while they are sleeping so that they do not miss out on time with me. I am choosing to continue to be poor and to sleep less in order to take the best care of my children that I possibly can. I am choosing my children over money and sleep and a home of my own. Because they are more important to me. I am also choosing to read my Bible daily and continually learn more about God so that I can teach them about Him. Because he is the most important of all. Most of my blogging from here on will be either about my kids, taking care of them, recipes, things that make life easier as a mom of 4, and what I am learning in my daily Bible reading and how I apply it to my life. I do intend on blogging, so please feel free to poke me and keep me accountable if I don't live up to my intentions. And please feel free to ask any questions you might have. Send me an email or leave me a comment. I would be happy to answer them:)
Yes, let me tell you, but let me warn you, its a long story.
As some of you may know, last year was a very difficult year.
In January, I miscarried. I estimated that I had conceived sometime about November 2009, at which time I got really ill. And stayed ill until a couple weeks after I miscarried. It was a very hard time for me.
In February, my husband lost his job. Well, he really told his boss to shove it and thereby quit. He decided to join the Army. He signed his oath of enlistment the day after we found out I was pregnant again, sometime in March.
In May, he left for basic training. We drove to visit him in July when he graduated. We got to spend 2 days and 1 night with him. Then he headed off to AIT in OK. We drove from GA to OK to visit him for Labor Day, which was a fun trip in and of itse;f and resulted in us all being sick off and on for months after our return. The good thing about AIT was we got to talk a lot more. They let him keep his phone on him at all times since I had a higher risk pregnancy due to my miscarriage in January. The bad thing about AIT is they let him go out drinking a lot. He got a taste of the single life and he decided he liked it more than the married with kids life he had. Well, I guess there was a lot of bad things about AIT in my opinion.
He came home from AIT in September. He had a 2 week Hometown Recruiting program he was a part of so that we could have 2 more weeks at home before we had to move. That was nice.
He left us October 4th. I was 35 weeks pregnant with our 4th daughter. He brought his girlfriend and her baby (who had followed him to GA from OK and spent the weekend with him while he told me he was on a recruiting trip) into my home to collect his belongings and leave us. He cleared out our joint bank account, bought himself and his girlfriend phones and a new phone plan with Sprint, bought himself a new truck and took 2 weeks of leave (vacation time) to spend with his girlfriend in OK. He left us penniless (actually worse than penniless as he had overdrawn our bank account) with no food in the house since we were supposed to move with him the next day. He left me, sick with bronchitis and huge and pregnant and hormonal to be with his girlfriend. He left his children to spend time with hers. He deprived us of support so he could have play money to go out to eat with his girlfriend and buy himself new toys. Every month since then except for December, I have had to contact his superior officers to get him to support us with the little the Army requires him to send ($650 a month to support myself and 4 children) despite the fact that in that time he received $7200 for his bonus after taxes and filed taxes, claiming the children, and received the tax return, all of which he blew away. Last month he only sent us $125. He has still not met his youngest child and she was born November 9, 2010. Over 3 months ago.
You would think I would be used to this all by now, but it still hurts to type that. I am lonely and hurting and this has probably been the worst time in my life. Bar none. But it has also been the most clarifying time of my life. It has probably been the time in my life when I experienced the most spiritual growth. And it has probably been the best time of my life as well.
Despite the unhappiness and the pain, I have come to recognize who truly cares about my children and myself. I have felt the hand of God guiding me throughout this ordeal and I have chosen to trust in Him regardless of the circumstances and how I feel at any given moment. I have realized that God, in His infinite wisdom and with his all-encompassing perspective and all-encompassing love for all 5 of us, entrusted me with 4 beautiful daughters, knowing my husband would leave me, knowing the struggles we would go through and knowing all 5 of us more intimately than we know ourselves. He knew they were what was best for me and I was who would be the best mommy possible for them. For me, that is a wonderful and sobering calling, challenging me to live up to the potential God knows I have and to always do my best for them and for Him. I am learning to prioritize and spend my time more wisely.
So that about covers our past few months. It hasn't been fun, but, like nasty tasting medicine, has been good for us.
In the immediate future, we will be moving in with my sister and her family so that I can continue to take care of my children and be here for them since I cannot rely on my husband to support us. Soon I will be a divorced mom of 4. That's something I never thought I would have to say.
Once Rory is sleeping through the night, I plan on getting a part time job stocking shelves or cleaning offices, something that allows me to work while they are sleeping so that they do not miss out on time with me. I am choosing to continue to be poor and to sleep less in order to take the best care of my children that I possibly can. I am choosing my children over money and sleep and a home of my own. Because they are more important to me. I am also choosing to read my Bible daily and continually learn more about God so that I can teach them about Him. Because he is the most important of all. Most of my blogging from here on will be either about my kids, taking care of them, recipes, things that make life easier as a mom of 4, and what I am learning in my daily Bible reading and how I apply it to my life. I do intend on blogging, so please feel free to poke me and keep me accountable if I don't live up to my intentions. And please feel free to ask any questions you might have. Send me an email or leave me a comment. I would be happy to answer them:)
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Bends in the road
Its funny how when you start out on a journey, you start out expecting to end up in one place and sometimes find yourself making strange detours along the way or arriving somewhere else entirely. If you're driving, you call that getting lost, but what do you call it when you're just living? I'm not really sure.
When I started this blog, it was to help me stay accountable on my journey to being a better mom and I guess I'm still on my way there, but I expected to arrive there with a participating partner at my side, not as a single mom and I have to admit that this detour has derailed me a bit.
I guess that's normal. I mean, who ever expects to have their partner abandon them and their children? Who expects to be abandoned by the person they love, the person that professed to love them, when they are 35 weeks pregnant with their 4th child with said partner? I guess that would derail anyone.
I look at my girls and wonder how anyone could ever voluntarily turn their back on them for any reason? How could anyone voluntarily give up being a part of these children's lives? I'll be the first to admit I need a break every now and then, but I could never just walk away from them without looking back. Heck, I can barely take a break from them every now and then even when I know I need it. I'm working on that, though. I know I have to take care of myself to be able to take care of them and I'm a better mom when I force myself to take a break when I need it, whether I want it or not. Course now the only issue is figuring out what I can do when I take a break. . . What doesn't cost any money that I will enjoy doing that ideally has free childcare? So far, all I've come up with is church. . .
When I started this blog, it was to help me stay accountable on my journey to being a better mom and I guess I'm still on my way there, but I expected to arrive there with a participating partner at my side, not as a single mom and I have to admit that this detour has derailed me a bit.
I guess that's normal. I mean, who ever expects to have their partner abandon them and their children? Who expects to be abandoned by the person they love, the person that professed to love them, when they are 35 weeks pregnant with their 4th child with said partner? I guess that would derail anyone.
I look at my girls and wonder how anyone could ever voluntarily turn their back on them for any reason? How could anyone voluntarily give up being a part of these children's lives? I'll be the first to admit I need a break every now and then, but I could never just walk away from them without looking back. Heck, I can barely take a break from them every now and then even when I know I need it. I'm working on that, though. I know I have to take care of myself to be able to take care of them and I'm a better mom when I force myself to take a break when I need it, whether I want it or not. Course now the only issue is figuring out what I can do when I take a break. . . What doesn't cost any money that I will enjoy doing that ideally has free childcare? So far, all I've come up with is church. . .
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Adventures in Traveling
As many of you know (or likely read yesterday), we just got back from visiting my husband at his BCT graduation in SC. We live in GA, so it was a 4-5 hour drive one way. . . at least in theory.
We intended on departing for SC Wednesday, July 21, just after lunchtime, but my mother did not call or show up. This was unfortunate since she was driving us there in her Expedition. I cleaned my house and got us packed and did everything I could think of to do. When I ran out of things to clean and busywork to get us ready to go, I called my mom. She was in Jasper. 1 hour from her house, where she would have to go before driving 1.5 hours to mine. It was almost dinnertime at this point. So I had her meet me en route to Columbia in Conyers. When we got there, we waited another hour for her to arrive then moved our stuff to her car and continued driving to Columbia while my dad took my car back to his house. The trip from that point on was relatively uneventful. We got to our destination around 4 am, got to sleep around 4:30 and had to get up at 6.
For the return trip, we intended on leaving immediately following breakfast. We packed up the car, cleaned out the room to make sure we weren't leaving anything, ate breakfast and got in the car. Unfortunately, we passed the pool on the way to the car and my 5 year old wanted to swim. We explained to her there wasn't time and she had a complete meltdown. In the blink of an eye, the "I want to swim" meltdown turned into an "I want my daddy" meltdown which was impossible to fix considering my husband was already on the way to OK and had left for NC several hours before. I took the keys back to the front desk and she had stopped crying by the time I got back to the car. Thank God.
We drove just far enough to reach the middle of nowhere and promptly ran out of gas. Lovely. The AC would come on, but wouldn't blow cold, so we rolled the windows down to capture the breeze from the other cars while I called 911 and we waited for the Highway Patrol trooper to arrive. We went to 2 gas stations that did not have gas cans, encountered a jacknifed tractor trailer and finally found a gas station with gas cans. Unfortunately, they only had 1 gallon gas cans and my mom drives an Expedition, so I spent $15 on 2 1-gallon gas cans. Then I overflowed one while filling it and the cop was nice enough to wipe it off while I filled the other. All the while, I'm trying not to sob because I wish daddy was there at this point. Then we get the Expedition started, go to the nearest gas station and fill up. At this point, its about lunchtime, but I'm too frustrated to eat so we keep going for a bit. By the time I'm ready to eat, everyone else (besides my mom, who was driving) was asleep. We found a restraunt to eat at and drove about 30 minutes before my 5 year old had to pee. So we stopped again. Add a couple more pee breaks and that's how a 4-5 hour trip became a 10-11 hour trip, after which I had to drive an hour from my mom's house to get to mine.
Lessons learned:
1. Eat then let the kids play for a bit before you start traveling. Sure they might be hungry sooner, but its much nicer to start a trip without a fit.
2. Be flexible and if someone is late, start bugging them right away, not several hours later when you're already completely frustrated.
3. Make sure everyone pees at every gas stop and food stop. We forgot this when we stopped for lunch and had to stop again 30 minutes later, which was annoying.
4. Fill up on gas when you get down to 1/2 or 1/4 tank of gas. It is NOT fun to run out of gas when you are in the middle of nowhere. You have to give the trooper your liscence and wait while he confirms you are not a wanted felon then you have to find a gas station with gas cans if you don't carry one with you. . . its just not worth it to save a nickle a gallon.
We intended on departing for SC Wednesday, July 21, just after lunchtime, but my mother did not call or show up. This was unfortunate since she was driving us there in her Expedition. I cleaned my house and got us packed and did everything I could think of to do. When I ran out of things to clean and busywork to get us ready to go, I called my mom. She was in Jasper. 1 hour from her house, where she would have to go before driving 1.5 hours to mine. It was almost dinnertime at this point. So I had her meet me en route to Columbia in Conyers. When we got there, we waited another hour for her to arrive then moved our stuff to her car and continued driving to Columbia while my dad took my car back to his house. The trip from that point on was relatively uneventful. We got to our destination around 4 am, got to sleep around 4:30 and had to get up at 6.
For the return trip, we intended on leaving immediately following breakfast. We packed up the car, cleaned out the room to make sure we weren't leaving anything, ate breakfast and got in the car. Unfortunately, we passed the pool on the way to the car and my 5 year old wanted to swim. We explained to her there wasn't time and she had a complete meltdown. In the blink of an eye, the "I want to swim" meltdown turned into an "I want my daddy" meltdown which was impossible to fix considering my husband was already on the way to OK and had left for NC several hours before. I took the keys back to the front desk and she had stopped crying by the time I got back to the car. Thank God.
We drove just far enough to reach the middle of nowhere and promptly ran out of gas. Lovely. The AC would come on, but wouldn't blow cold, so we rolled the windows down to capture the breeze from the other cars while I called 911 and we waited for the Highway Patrol trooper to arrive. We went to 2 gas stations that did not have gas cans, encountered a jacknifed tractor trailer and finally found a gas station with gas cans. Unfortunately, they only had 1 gallon gas cans and my mom drives an Expedition, so I spent $15 on 2 1-gallon gas cans. Then I overflowed one while filling it and the cop was nice enough to wipe it off while I filled the other. All the while, I'm trying not to sob because I wish daddy was there at this point. Then we get the Expedition started, go to the nearest gas station and fill up. At this point, its about lunchtime, but I'm too frustrated to eat so we keep going for a bit. By the time I'm ready to eat, everyone else (besides my mom, who was driving) was asleep. We found a restraunt to eat at and drove about 30 minutes before my 5 year old had to pee. So we stopped again. Add a couple more pee breaks and that's how a 4-5 hour trip became a 10-11 hour trip, after which I had to drive an hour from my mom's house to get to mine.
Lessons learned:
1. Eat then let the kids play for a bit before you start traveling. Sure they might be hungry sooner, but its much nicer to start a trip without a fit.
2. Be flexible and if someone is late, start bugging them right away, not several hours later when you're already completely frustrated.
3. Make sure everyone pees at every gas stop and food stop. We forgot this when we stopped for lunch and had to stop again 30 minutes later, which was annoying.
4. Fill up on gas when you get down to 1/2 or 1/4 tank of gas. It is NOT fun to run out of gas when you are in the middle of nowhere. You have to give the trooper your liscence and wait while he confirms you are not a wanted felon then you have to find a gas station with gas cans if you don't carry one with you. . . its just not worth it to save a nickle a gallon.
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