The past few months of my life

Hello, my internet friends. I bet you've wondered where I've been and what I've been doing since I haven't been blogging. Well, I have been busy, let me tell you.

Yes, let me tell you, but let me warn you, its a long story.

As some of you may know, last year was a very difficult year.

In January, I miscarried. I estimated that I had conceived sometime about November 2009, at which time I got really ill. And stayed ill until a couple weeks after I miscarried. It was a very hard time for me.

In February, my husband lost his job. Well, he really told his boss to shove it and thereby quit. He decided to join the Army. He signed his oath of enlistment the day after we found out I was pregnant again, sometime in March.

In May, he left for basic training. We drove to visit him in July when he graduated. We got to spend 2 days and 1 night with him. Then he headed off to AIT in OK. We drove from GA to OK to visit him for Labor Day, which was a fun trip in and of itse;f and resulted in us all being sick off and on for months after our return. The good thing about AIT was we got to talk a lot more. They let him keep his phone on him at all times since I had a higher risk pregnancy due to my miscarriage in January. The bad thing about AIT is they let him go out drinking a lot. He got a taste of the single life and he decided he liked it more than the married with kids life he had. Well, I guess there was a lot of bad things about AIT in my opinion.

He came home from AIT in September. He had a 2 week Hometown Recruiting program he was a part of so that we could have 2 more weeks at home before we had to move. That was nice.

He left us October 4th. I was 35 weeks pregnant with our 4th daughter. He brought his girlfriend and her baby (who had followed him to GA from OK and spent the weekend with him while he told me he was on a recruiting trip) into my home to collect his belongings and leave us. He cleared out our joint bank account, bought himself and his girlfriend phones and a new phone plan with Sprint, bought himself a new truck and took 2 weeks of leave (vacation time) to spend with his girlfriend in OK. He left us penniless (actually worse than penniless as he had overdrawn our bank account) with no food in the house since we were supposed to move with him the next day. He left me, sick with bronchitis and huge and pregnant and hormonal to be with his girlfriend. He left his children to spend time with hers. He deprived us of support so he could have play money to go out to eat with his girlfriend and buy himself new toys. Every month since then except for December, I have had to contact his superior officers to get him to support us with the little the Army requires him to send ($650 a month to support myself and 4 children) despite the fact that in that time he received $7200 for his bonus after taxes and filed taxes, claiming the children, and received the tax return, all of which he blew away. Last month he only sent us $125. He has still not met his youngest child and she was born November 9, 2010. Over 3 months ago.

You would think I would be used to this all by now, but it still hurts to type that. I am lonely and hurting and this has probably been the worst time in my life. Bar none. But it has also been the most clarifying time of my life. It has probably been the time in my life when I experienced the most spiritual growth. And it has probably been the best time of my life as well.

Despite the unhappiness and the pain, I have come to recognize who truly cares about my children and myself. I have felt the hand of God guiding me throughout this ordeal and I have chosen to trust in Him regardless of the circumstances and how I feel at any given moment. I have realized that God, in His infinite wisdom and with his all-encompassing perspective and all-encompassing love for all 5 of us, entrusted me with 4 beautiful daughters, knowing my husband would leave me, knowing the struggles we would go through and knowing all 5 of us more intimately than we know ourselves. He knew they were what was best for me and I was who would be the best mommy possible for them. For me, that is a wonderful and sobering calling, challenging me to live up to the potential God knows I have and to always do my best for them and for Him. I am learning to prioritize and spend my time more wisely.

So that about covers our past few months. It hasn't been fun, but, like nasty tasting medicine, has been good for us.

In the immediate future, we will be moving in with my sister and her family so that I can continue to take care of my children and be here for them since I cannot rely on my husband to support us. Soon I will be a divorced mom of 4. That's something I never thought I would have to say.

Once Rory is sleeping through the night, I plan on getting a part time job stocking shelves or cleaning offices, something that allows me to work while they are sleeping so that they do not miss out on time with me. I am choosing to continue to be poor and to sleep less in order to take the best care of my children that I possibly can. I am choosing my children over money and sleep and a home of my own. Because they are more important to me. I am also choosing to read my Bible daily and continually learn more about God so that I can teach them about Him. Because he is the most important of all. Most of my blogging from here on will be either about my kids, taking care of them, recipes, things that make life easier as a mom of 4, and what I am learning in my daily Bible reading and how I apply it to my life. I do intend on blogging, so please feel free to poke me and keep me accountable if I don't live up to my intentions. And please feel free to ask any questions you might have. Send me an email or leave me a comment. I would be happy to answer them:)