This might be. . . take your freedom ;)

The other day, it seemed like everywhere I looked, there were people in love and kids with their fathers and all I could think about was how we're missing out on that and how unfair this is and how wrong this is. You shouldn't promise to love and be faithful 'til death do us part and keep your end of the deal only to later find out your spouse did not. It sucks and would not happen in a perfect world.

And then I heard this song on the way home and it totally changed my perspective. Yes, this still sucks and its still wrong and it still should have never happened. But maybe I get to have my cake and eat it, too. I mean, I have my wonderful kids and I get to keep them and they are the BEST part of our relationship. And now I get a do over on the rest. That wasn't my last first kiss (I hope). And that crappy proposal over the bathroom sink while brushing my teeth might not always be the proposal I think of when I see a proposal scene in a movie. I'll always have my kids and now I get a chance to find someone who loves me the way I need to be loved. If that person exists. And if not, I'm no longer stuck with someone who doesn't want to be stuck with me. I'm free.

And then I heard this song and it didn't hurt and I didn't immediately change the channel on the radio and I realized how far I've come. Sure I still have mornings when I wake up and think "maybe it was all a nightmare." because it is. But at the same time, whatever part of me was hoping he would come back and say he made a mistake is totally gone. I don't think of him most days. And when I do, there is no longing for him to return. I'm healing. I'm on my way. To where? Who knows. I'm just glad I'm not where I was. . .