It seems like all my time these days is occupied times three or four. I tire of never finishing all that I intend to do and prioritizing is hard and time consuming, but important. I'm getting a lot better at figuring out quickly what needs to be done first and doing it as well and as quickly as I can and then moving on to the next task until bedtime and then starting all over again the next day. It's never ending and thankless and there are no vacations. Sometimes we don't even get bathroom breaks. Unless you consider answering 20 questions while a 2 year old "helps" you pee a break. And some days, I do.

Mothering and homemaking are such thankless, invisible tasks. They are soon undone and must be redone. We are rarely told thanks or shown any appreciation. It is simply taken for granted that the house will stay clean, food supplied and cooked and children disciplined while we remain unmussed, serene, even happy. The pretty, put together, composed, competent, on top of it all housewife. There is no concept of the amount of work it takes to accomplish this great feat, therefore no value is placed on its completion (in part or in entirety). No wonder we are apt to get discouraged and feel unimportant. There are always clothes being worn and dishes being used. We are doing a job that will never truly be "done". And it is hard, taxing, thankless. And as such tasks go, it is absolutely vital. Just ask the garbage man. Or the people who benefit from his work. I bet he feels undervalued and unimportant at times, too. And his job doesn't include wrangling toddlers.

I love my kids therefore I love my job, but I strive to honestly acknowledge the downside of it as being part of it. Because it is a part of it. I am accustomed to others undervaluing what I do and unfortunately sometimes fall into undervaluing it myself. It is the culture we live in. Money and fame are importand and held in high esteem and are not produced by being a stay at home mom.

I have been discouraged lately. Fortunately, on one of the dating sites I infrequently visit, I received a message from someone who does view what I do as important. I didn't think men like that existed anymore. It was refreshing. Of course, he lives in CO and more importantly, he immediately deleted his profile. If I didn't still have access to the messages we exchanged, I would wonder if I had just made him up. Really, his existence is irrelevant, but it was enough for me to realize that God also views what I do as important. Which to me was very important.

All of this to say, moms if you are feeling unimportant, take heart. Our role is like that of a farmer, lots of hard work and then we wait to see the results of it later. If you need to hear it, listen to me. You and what you do is important. Do it well. It matters more than you know. And thanks for doing such a good job.

The Funny Thing About Pain

I know, my titles are usually weird, but maybe you think this one is weirder than usual. I mean, there are good things about pain -- it tells you you're alive and lets you know when to stop/when you're doing something hazardous to your health and well being. But what can be funny about pain? Well, in my opinion the funny thing about pain is that you can become accustomed to it.

Our bodies are so adaptable. You can become so accustomed to being in pain that it no longer feels painful. It feels normal. You can become so accustomed to being in pain that you don't even realize you were in pain until the pain is gone and then you wonder how long its been gone. Sometimes the absence of pain can almost feel painful. Its like taking a hot shower and gradually turning up the heat until it damages your skin without you even noticing it or boiling a frog. Did you know if you start off with warm water and gradually heat it up, the frog will stay in the pot and be boiled alive?

A while ago, a dear friend commented that in all the time he's known me (about 18 years), I was the most miserable while I was married to Joey. I totally disregarded it as just something people say when you get divorced. Just one of "those" comments that means nothing, but is somehow meant to make you feel better. And then, as I have found myself more, I realized that he was right. As I learn more about the me I am in the aftermath, I can clearly see that I was in pain and now I can feel the pain has receded some and I have no idea when it receded. Or why. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I haven't had any magical healing experience. I have only started to get to know myself and started to realize how much I like myself without him here. It is so much easier to like me without being yoked to someone who was supposed to love me, but didn't. Its so much easier to like me when there's no one here to tell me I'm a frog, no one here to turn up the heat. Its like finally exhaling after holding your breath for longer than you ever thought possible or like finally breathing in clean air. Its freeing, liberating, beautiful. Its hard not to inhale too much at once. And its about time.

Maybe I'm just too picky?

Maybe I'm just too picky or maybe I just know what I want. And I'm fully aware that what I want might not even exist. But I've compromised before and look where that got me. . . not somewhere I would like to be again.

I have no idea what I want or need, but I'm looking for a Christian man who doesn't smoke, drink, or do drugs, and is ok with waiting until marriage to have sex. You would think that the Christian part seems to imply the ok with waiting until marriage to have sex part, but I've already chatted with 1 guy online who claimed to be a Christian and the first and only day I spoke to him, he expressed an expectation to have sex -- and soon. Apparently the number 13 following the word mama on a dating site indicates that you have 13 children, which implies that you will indiscriminately have sex with anyone anytime. Oops.

After about a month on the online dating scene, I'm not holding my breath. I'm not even sure if I would want to meet anyone at this point. I want to be ready, but I don't know if I am. I'm just so sick of being lonely.

If you are interested in finding out more about this subject, feel free to check out this blog. Its a very articulately written, humorous blog on this topic and bonus -- I actually know the author in real life.

An Emotional look at Online Dating

You're probably wondering why I would decide to try online dating. I just got divorced in September. It might seem like this is too soon, but for all practical purposes, I've been alone raising my kids for almost 2 years. For a bit there, I thought my husband was still in it with me, but for all practical purposes I have been alone since May 2010. And for all emotional purposes, I've been alone since October 2010. So that little piece of paper might say the divorce happened in September 2011, but in my heart we have been divorced since he left and never looked back.

But why online dating? Well, I am a single mom of 4 girls who doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs and I don't want to be around people who do these things. I haven't dated since high school. My youngest is 1 year old and it is really hard to leave her and I just can't justify doing so just to go trolling bars in search of men I wouldn't date anyways because I don't want to date anyone who drinks. I don't want to introduce my kids to anyone I'm dating until its serious, so I certainly don't want my kids to be there when we meet. And I have no idea of where to go to meet people besides a bar and I have never been in a bar and don't want to change that. I guess I could meet someone at church, but I go to church every week and so far I have yet to meet anyone.

Its a crappy situation to be in and I have no idea how to fix it. The only thing I could think of to do to try to fix it was to try online dating, so that's what I'm doing. I'm not at the point where I'm willing to pay to try online dating, so I've found a couple free sites and I'm not really that active on them, but it makes me feel better to think that I've done what I can to try to fix it. The rest is up to God.

A Practical look at Online Dating

I never in my life thought I would dive into the world of online dating, but lately I have been dealing with a lot of stuff that I never thought would happen. I guess that's life. I'll probably do a follow up post on this later regarding why I chose to pursue online dating along with some personal anecdotes regarding experiences I've had so far in this journey, but for now, this is just going to be a factual post about the different online dating sites I've checked out and which I chose to use and why.

Well, first, there are the personal ads on Craigslist. I know, it seems like a weird place to look for companionship. I typically just check craigslist for toys and fridges and then there's that whole Cragslist Killer thing, but I will admit that in a moment of weakness and loneliness I did check out the personals there and let me just say wow. That is all. I did meet a great friend through craigslist, so its not all bad, but I probably got emailed by upwards of 50 people, 49 of which turned out to be skeevy, pervy, creepy, or in some other manner not someone I would choose to continue to speak to via email, much less meet in person. So I guess this venue gets a 2% success rating so far? By the way, the skeeve factor was bad enough that I am no longer posting or looking on here.

Then there's POF. That acronym stands for Plenty of Fish. As in the saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea". Ha ha, very clever, not such a great place to meet people, but it is free and unlike other sites where you can "join for free", you can actually send and receive messages. I don't have a clue how many people have messaged me there, but so far there's been a 0% success rating of finding anyone I would like to continue to speak to via email, much less meet in person. Not sure why I joined it. People do crazy things when they are lonely, so I guess if joining online dating sites is the craziest I've gotten (and it is) then I'm ok with that.

And then there is Single Parent Meet, which advertises a free membership, which turns out to be a membership where you can post your info, but can't contact anyone else or read messages others send you without paying for a membership, which at this point I am not willing to do. I did have a profile on there, but I deleted it when I realized that it was totally pointless.

Christian Mingle is pretty much the same boat as Single Parent meet, the only difference being you can read the messages others send to you, but you can't reply without paying for a membership. I had a profile here, too, but I deleted it for the same reason I deleted the profile on Single Parent Meet.

And then there's OK Cupid. Its another free site where you can send and receive messages without paying for a membership and the best part about this site is there's an app for that.

These are just the sites I've seen, so if you know of any other sites or want to share your personal experiences, feel free to comment. If you are involved in online dating, remember to stay safe. Don't give out any personal information right away, meet the person at a public place, make sure that someone else knows where you are going and when you are going to be there and stick to the plan. Safety first :) That's the most important.

Purposeful Parenting

I'm all about living propose fully these days and to me, living purposefully is all about putting thought into everything you do. That sounds like a no brainer. I mean, we only have one life and none of us know how long we have, so who would want to waste their time, coasting through life thoughtlessly? You might be surprised by the answer. Coasting through life thoughtlessly is a habit and once started, can be a hard one to break away from. I, personally, spent at least 6 years of my life in this manner and to this day catch myself in the act of acting thoughtlessly. Now that doesn't mean I catch myself doing anything immoral or illegal, just that I catch myself doing without knowing why I am doing what I am doing and I think knowing the why is just as important as the what. If you don't take the time to know why you do what you do then it's much easier to fall down that slippery slope of doing what "everyone else" is doing, which is sometimes ok and sometimes not. But how do you know if you are on the ok path or the not ok path if you don't put any thought into what you are doing?

The same concept transcends into the parenting arena. It seems to me that the more calm, cool and collected parents are those that put a great deal of forethought into their parenting. It also seems to me that parents in general used to put a lot more forethought into their lives prior to having children. First if all, it seems to me that more people married prior to conception and spent time getting to know each other and their own views and their spouse's views on children and child rearing prior to conception. Then when they conceived, they read all the books about what to expect when you're expecting and what to expect the first 4 years and how to shepherd your child's heart. People cared enough to plan what their children would eat, where they would play, what schools they would go to. Everything typical was planned for ahead of time, that way when the child rearing began, they had the time and patience to think about the situation and decide the best course of action to take when something out of the ordinary came up. This might explain why parents had less problems with 12 kids 100 years ago than parents today have with 2. And this is something that is much easier to do before you have kids because, let's face it, kids have a way of making it hard to think clearly.

I, on the other hand, was never going to have kids. So I never thought about how to raise the kids I was never going to have. Then I had my oldest daughter and I was hooked. And 7 years and 3 kids later, I still want more. And 7 years and 3 kids later, I really wish I had done the research and figured out my opinions and stances on parenting. I'm doing it now, but I can really see how it would have been a lot easier to read and comprehend without having to stop every other word or sentence to mother.

To me, the key to purposeful living is knowing yourself, your policies, your authority and then taking all that knowledge and turning it into action. I would be doing a lot better at living purposefully if I didn't find myself falling into old habits of doing without thinking, but I am getting there slowly but surely. Another key is knowing the purpose of your tools and resources. The purpose of parenting books is to provide you with information to help you decide how you want to handle parenting. To help you make up your own mind. To enable you to parent purposefully, not mindlessly.

The Importance of Being 2

Last night, I was 2 again. It was a crazy day and I made the executive decision not to cook dinner and instead to order pizza. We ordered Dominoes because my mom likes Dominoes and there's an App for that that I wanted to try. Seriously, there's a Domino's Pizza App that has a pizza tracker on it that tells you what stage the pizza is at. When I ordered, it said the pizza would take less than 30 minutes to receive so I promptly forgot about the pizza and played with my 2 year old. About 30 minutes later, it felt like pizza time and I remembered the pizza tracker, so I went to my phone and it said the pizza was out he door and on its way to us. I got the money together and my daughter asked to hold some, so I gave her a quarter to hold and then I decided to be 2 again. I decided we would wait outside for the pizza to be delivered. We did the pizza dance and summoned the pizza's arrival with cat calls of "here, pizza, pizza, pizza". We asked the moon where our pizza was and stomped like elephants and pretended to be hungry pizza monsters. I asked her where the pizza was and she said it was coming and continued to reassure me despite me pointing out that we could not see it. This went on for about 15 minutes. When the pizza dude finally arrived, we learned that they put the garlic on the crust of the first batch of pizzas and had to remake them. I am assuming this occurred after they marked the pizzas out for delivery and I am glad it did because I had such a great time being 2 with Izzy.

And what is the importance of being 2? Freedom. To be excited. To express every thought and bodily function that we experience. To move any way we want to move. To be positive and hopeful despite our circumstances.

I think we should all be 2 on a regular basis, pizza or no pizza. Next time, I'll do it without pizza and let you know which way is better.