It seems like all my time these days is occupied times three or four. I tire of never finishing all that I intend to do and prioritizing is hard and time consuming, but important. I'm getting a lot better at figuring out quickly what needs to be done first and doing it as well and as quickly as I can and then moving on to the next task until bedtime and then starting all over again the next day. It's never ending and thankless and there are no vacations. Sometimes we don't even get bathroom breaks. Unless you consider answering 20 questions while a 2 year old "helps" you pee a break. And some days, I do.
Mothering and homemaking are such thankless, invisible tasks. They are soon undone and must be redone. We are rarely told thanks or shown any appreciation. It is simply taken for granted that the house will stay clean, food supplied and cooked and children disciplined while we remain unmussed, serene, even happy. The pretty, put together, composed, competent, on top of it all housewife. There is no concept of the amount of work it takes to accomplish this great feat, therefore no value is placed on its completion (in part or in entirety). No wonder we are apt to get discouraged and feel unimportant. There are always clothes being worn and dishes being used. We are doing a job that will never truly be "done". And it is hard, taxing, thankless. And as such tasks go, it is absolutely vital. Just ask the garbage man. Or the people who benefit from his work. I bet he feels undervalued and unimportant at times, too. And his job doesn't include wrangling toddlers.
I love my kids therefore I love my job, but I strive to honestly acknowledge the downside of it as being part of it. Because it is a part of it. I am accustomed to others undervaluing what I do and unfortunately sometimes fall into undervaluing it myself. It is the culture we live in. Money and fame are importand and held in high esteem and are not produced by being a stay at home mom.
I have been discouraged lately. Fortunately, on one of the dating sites I infrequently visit, I received a message from someone who does view what I do as important. I didn't think men like that existed anymore. It was refreshing. Of course, he lives in CO and more importantly, he immediately deleted his profile. If I didn't still have access to the messages we exchanged, I would wonder if I had just made him up. Really, his existence is irrelevant, but it was enough for me to realize that God also views what I do as important. Which to me was very important.
All of this to say, moms if you are feeling unimportant, take heart. Our role is like that of a farmer, lots of hard work and then we wait to see the results of it later. If you need to hear it, listen to me. You and what you do is important. Do it well. It matters more than you know. And thanks for doing such a good job.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Importance of Being 2
Last night, I was 2 again. It was a crazy day and I made the executive decision not to cook dinner and instead to order pizza. We ordered Dominoes because my mom likes Dominoes and there's an App for that that I wanted to try. Seriously, there's a Domino's Pizza App that has a pizza tracker on it that tells you what stage the pizza is at. When I ordered, it said the pizza would take less than 30 minutes to receive so I promptly forgot about the pizza and played with my 2 year old. About 30 minutes later, it felt like pizza time and I remembered the pizza tracker, so I went to my phone and it said the pizza was out he door and on its way to us. I got the money together and my daughter asked to hold some, so I gave her a quarter to hold and then I decided to be 2 again. I decided we would wait outside for the pizza to be delivered. We did the pizza dance and summoned the pizza's arrival with cat calls of "here, pizza, pizza, pizza". We asked the moon where our pizza was and stomped like elephants and pretended to be hungry pizza monsters. I asked her where the pizza was and she said it was coming and continued to reassure me despite me pointing out that we could not see it. This went on for about 15 minutes. When the pizza dude finally arrived, we learned that they put the garlic on the crust of the first batch of pizzas and had to remake them. I am assuming this occurred after they marked the pizzas out for delivery and I am glad it did because I had such a great time being 2 with Izzy.
And what is the importance of being 2? Freedom. To be excited. To express every thought and bodily function that we experience. To move any way we want to move. To be positive and hopeful despite our circumstances.
I think we should all be 2 on a regular basis, pizza or no pizza. Next time, I'll do it without pizza and let you know which way is better.
And what is the importance of being 2? Freedom. To be excited. To express every thought and bodily function that we experience. To move any way we want to move. To be positive and hopeful despite our circumstances.
I think we should all be 2 on a regular basis, pizza or no pizza. Next time, I'll do it without pizza and let you know which way is better.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sometimes it really sucks to be a single parent. There's a learning process you have to go through to change from married parenting style to single parenting style and I don't think I've completed that yet. I still find myself trying to play good cop, bad cop and when you're the only cop, you just end up looking like a wishy washy idiot that can't make up your mind and boy do kids know how to capitalize on people who can't make up their minds. They figure if you can't make it up on your own, then maybe they can make it up for you. And if they succeed even once, they will keep it up until you grow a pair and learn how to make up your own mind before you talk to them or until they get their way every time.
It can be an uncomfortable process for all involved and it takes a lot longer to establish your authority once you've shown an inability to make up your own mind and stick with it, but it's worth it. Households ruled by children with usurped authority function much less happily and harmoniously than households ruled by parents using their God given authority. It's had work to weed out the undesirable behaviors and teach your children right from wrong and it's never ending work, just like washing clothes and doing dishes, but just like with chores, if you teach your children to do it the right way, you can the trust them to take over and do it themselves.
But how do we teach our children right from wrong? How do we "make" them obey? The truth is, we can't. We can teach them right from wrong, but we can't make them learn it and we certainly can't force them to do it. Children are not marionettes. They do not have strings that, when pulled, produce results that can be predicted. Sometimes it seems like whenever I figure out something that works with my kids, I changes. They are like kaleidscopes only without the predictable patterns. It's confusing and frustrating and sometimes completely unfathomable to try to parent them because sometimes they make no sense whatsoever. It's easy to get frustrated and forget that sometimes we don't make sense to ourselves and we are adults and we can see inside our own heads. If we can't understand ourselves 100% of the time, then how on God's green earth can we ever expect to understand anyone else 100% of the time, especially someone else that is less developed and has had less time to figure out what they think and want and need.
It's a confusing and frustrating endeavor, being a parent. Not one that should be taken lightly or without thought and consideration and time spent in prayer. Not for the faint of heart or the impatient. Nor the faint of will.
I bet you think this is the part of the blog where I tell you the magic cure to save you time and effort and keep you from getting frustrated, but honestly I am still figuring it out myself and from what I've determined so far, there is no universal rule or shortcut. The most important thing is to love your child(ren) and act accordingly. Teach and lead them out of love. If you are angry or frustrated, take a step back, take a break and wait until you are no longer feeling angry or frustrated and then correct them out of love. Unless they are under 3. If they are under 3, scream into a pillow and correct them right away because if you wait they will have forgotten what they are being corrected for, which makes the correction pointless.
Take the time to get to know your kids, your self and thoughtfully and prayerfully consider every circumstance in consideration of the end goal, which in my case is raising children who will love God and desire to obey Him out of love.
In case you haven't guessed, this is another of my goals for this new year. To parent purposefully.
It can be an uncomfortable process for all involved and it takes a lot longer to establish your authority once you've shown an inability to make up your own mind and stick with it, but it's worth it. Households ruled by children with usurped authority function much less happily and harmoniously than households ruled by parents using their God given authority. It's had work to weed out the undesirable behaviors and teach your children right from wrong and it's never ending work, just like washing clothes and doing dishes, but just like with chores, if you teach your children to do it the right way, you can the trust them to take over and do it themselves.
But how do we teach our children right from wrong? How do we "make" them obey? The truth is, we can't. We can teach them right from wrong, but we can't make them learn it and we certainly can't force them to do it. Children are not marionettes. They do not have strings that, when pulled, produce results that can be predicted. Sometimes it seems like whenever I figure out something that works with my kids, I changes. They are like kaleidscopes only without the predictable patterns. It's confusing and frustrating and sometimes completely unfathomable to try to parent them because sometimes they make no sense whatsoever. It's easy to get frustrated and forget that sometimes we don't make sense to ourselves and we are adults and we can see inside our own heads. If we can't understand ourselves 100% of the time, then how on God's green earth can we ever expect to understand anyone else 100% of the time, especially someone else that is less developed and has had less time to figure out what they think and want and need.
It's a confusing and frustrating endeavor, being a parent. Not one that should be taken lightly or without thought and consideration and time spent in prayer. Not for the faint of heart or the impatient. Nor the faint of will.
I bet you think this is the part of the blog where I tell you the magic cure to save you time and effort and keep you from getting frustrated, but honestly I am still figuring it out myself and from what I've determined so far, there is no universal rule or shortcut. The most important thing is to love your child(ren) and act accordingly. Teach and lead them out of love. If you are angry or frustrated, take a step back, take a break and wait until you are no longer feeling angry or frustrated and then correct them out of love. Unless they are under 3. If they are under 3, scream into a pillow and correct them right away because if you wait they will have forgotten what they are being corrected for, which makes the correction pointless.
Take the time to get to know your kids, your self and thoughtfully and prayerfully consider every circumstance in consideration of the end goal, which in my case is raising children who will love God and desire to obey Him out of love.
In case you haven't guessed, this is another of my goals for this new year. To parent purposefully.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Inspiring?
I read a great new blog the other day and thought "Wow, I wish I could write like that." And be open and engaging and genuine. And then, I realized I can be. . .
Well, I can try, at least.
I always wanted this blog to be a place where I could be me and share parenting tips and be genuine. And then my husband left and I felt like I had to censor every word that I typed, just in case he happened upon this blog and wanted to use it against me in court. Then I got out of the habit of posting because the idea of filtering what I posted was distasteful to me. Well, I'm divorced now and my ex has no desire to have anything to do with our kids, so I think I'm safe to be me, uncensored. Especially since me, uncensored would mostly be G or PG-13 rated anyways. . . Not sure what I thought I was censoring, anyways. Sigh.
I am trying to be a better mom. Which isn't to say I'm a bad mom, just that I think I could do better and I'm trying. And while I'm in the midst of thinking I can do better, people who admire me annoy me, mostly because I'm annoyed with myself because I think I can do better. Its a vicious cycle of annoyance that I wish I could get away from. And getting away from that vicious cycle is one of the ways I think I can do better. Which, I think, is annoying. And the start of another vicious cycle.
I am human. Limited. Finite. At the same time, I have unlimited possibilities and infinite potential. So do I do what I can and leave the rest to God (or whomever he appoints to do the leftover tasks) or do I over-extend myself and reach for the possibilities? I'm leaning towards the former due to my current sleep deficit. But I don't want to get in the habit of just doing what I can and never trying to stretch and do more because I know how hard habits can be to break. And it annoys me.
Today, my girls and I got our hair cut during Love Loud at our church. We went to the same salon our pastor gets his hair cut at and they were incredibly sweet and gracious and they did a fantastic job. And somewhere during that time, I spoke to the hair stylist about the past year of my life and she told me I was an inspiration and that just made me sad. From my perspective, all I have done this past year is take care of my kids while their father chose not to. I don't see that as being inspiring. I see that as a parent doing what a parent should do. And it saddens me to think that I live in a world where a parent acting like a parent is inspiring. It was nice of her to say. I'm sure she was trying to be encouraging, but it was a little depressing. Which is probably, at least in part, the sleep deficit talking. Which is why I am going to stop blogging right now and go to bed and hopefully reduce that deficit a bit. Goodnight :)
Well, I can try, at least.
I always wanted this blog to be a place where I could be me and share parenting tips and be genuine. And then my husband left and I felt like I had to censor every word that I typed, just in case he happened upon this blog and wanted to use it against me in court. Then I got out of the habit of posting because the idea of filtering what I posted was distasteful to me. Well, I'm divorced now and my ex has no desire to have anything to do with our kids, so I think I'm safe to be me, uncensored. Especially since me, uncensored would mostly be G or PG-13 rated anyways. . . Not sure what I thought I was censoring, anyways. Sigh.
I am trying to be a better mom. Which isn't to say I'm a bad mom, just that I think I could do better and I'm trying. And while I'm in the midst of thinking I can do better, people who admire me annoy me, mostly because I'm annoyed with myself because I think I can do better. Its a vicious cycle of annoyance that I wish I could get away from. And getting away from that vicious cycle is one of the ways I think I can do better. Which, I think, is annoying. And the start of another vicious cycle.
I am human. Limited. Finite. At the same time, I have unlimited possibilities and infinite potential. So do I do what I can and leave the rest to God (or whomever he appoints to do the leftover tasks) or do I over-extend myself and reach for the possibilities? I'm leaning towards the former due to my current sleep deficit. But I don't want to get in the habit of just doing what I can and never trying to stretch and do more because I know how hard habits can be to break. And it annoys me.
Today, my girls and I got our hair cut during Love Loud at our church. We went to the same salon our pastor gets his hair cut at and they were incredibly sweet and gracious and they did a fantastic job. And somewhere during that time, I spoke to the hair stylist about the past year of my life and she told me I was an inspiration and that just made me sad. From my perspective, all I have done this past year is take care of my kids while their father chose not to. I don't see that as being inspiring. I see that as a parent doing what a parent should do. And it saddens me to think that I live in a world where a parent acting like a parent is inspiring. It was nice of her to say. I'm sure she was trying to be encouraging, but it was a little depressing. Which is probably, at least in part, the sleep deficit talking. Which is why I am going to stop blogging right now and go to bed and hopefully reduce that deficit a bit. Goodnight :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
The hardest part so far. . .
The hardest part of being a single mom for me so far has been the single part.
I love being a mom. I enjoy time with my kids. Most of the time. And the frustrating times probably happen less often now than they did before my husband left.
The hardest part, as is true in almost every situation, is the change. Even while Joey was at basic training and AIT, my awareness was that I had someone on my side. I believed I had a partner, teammate, friend, confidante. I believed I had someone that loved me no matter what. Obviously, that was not true, but as far as I knew it was.
Changing what we believe isn't easy. Going at it alone isn't easy, but its not the being alone that is the hardest. Its the changing of my perspective. I am happy I have a truer perspective of reality now, but it is hard to change your perspective. Especially when its a change you never expected, never wanted and never saw coming. Its hard to have to abandon belief, no matter how faulty you determine that belief to have been.
I am not looking for any type of relationship right now. Love is an investment and all my capital right now is tied up in my kids. I like it that way. They are mine and I am theirs and we will love each other no matter what. There is great security for me in that. I do not want to invest in someone new right now. I am fairly certain that I am incapable of trusting anyone right now. But its still hard. Its hard to feel alone and lonely. Realistically, I have probably been alone for a while, just unaware of it. I am finding awareness to be a hard process.
I love being a mom. I enjoy time with my kids. Most of the time. And the frustrating times probably happen less often now than they did before my husband left.
The hardest part, as is true in almost every situation, is the change. Even while Joey was at basic training and AIT, my awareness was that I had someone on my side. I believed I had a partner, teammate, friend, confidante. I believed I had someone that loved me no matter what. Obviously, that was not true, but as far as I knew it was.
Changing what we believe isn't easy. Going at it alone isn't easy, but its not the being alone that is the hardest. Its the changing of my perspective. I am happy I have a truer perspective of reality now, but it is hard to change your perspective. Especially when its a change you never expected, never wanted and never saw coming. Its hard to have to abandon belief, no matter how faulty you determine that belief to have been.
I am not looking for any type of relationship right now. Love is an investment and all my capital right now is tied up in my kids. I like it that way. They are mine and I am theirs and we will love each other no matter what. There is great security for me in that. I do not want to invest in someone new right now. I am fairly certain that I am incapable of trusting anyone right now. But its still hard. Its hard to feel alone and lonely. Realistically, I have probably been alone for a while, just unaware of it. I am finding awareness to be a hard process.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Crazy Day
Its been a crazy couple of weeks. Sickness, dealing with my husband not wanting to support his kids, headaches, still unpacking and today, KaeKae's birthday party. Its been a lot of long days, doing what needs to be done for the kids all day long and falling asleep on the couch exhausted every night.
Today, I realized the truth about what I've been living. Its motherhood. Good motherhood. I am a good mom. Being a good mom, to me, means sacrificially loving your kids. It means doing what they need when they need it (within reason, obviously you have to prioritize needs when you have more than one kid with needs and if you have more than one kid, you will have more than one kid with needs) and doing what you need when you have time. Sometimes, it means hoping I'll make it to the bathroom because I've just been so busy that I didn't realize I needed to use the bathroom until its almost too late. Its like being a toddler all over again and being so busy playing you don't think about peeing LOL. I've developed a newfound understanding for Izzy's accidents lately due to a couple close calls myself. Sometimes being a mom means making the right decision for your kids and not the one that feels good. It feels good to give our kids what they want when they want it, but its not always what is good for them. Sometimes we have to be the bad guy in a season of our kids' lives to show them the right way to travel. And most of all, being a good mom means being a good example. It means dressing, walking, eating, acting, doing and thinking in the manner we would like our kids to. Being a good mom is hard, especially if you look at it in the long run. Its a lot easier and more doable if you take it moment by moment. Most of all, I am trying to remember to enjoy every moment because now is the only moment I have and I can't even hold that one. As soon as its here, its gone and it will never come back.
Sorry for the rambling blog. Its been a long, tiring day. I'm off to go play outside with the kids to get them good and tired for bedtime. Happy mothering :)
Today, I realized the truth about what I've been living. Its motherhood. Good motherhood. I am a good mom. Being a good mom, to me, means sacrificially loving your kids. It means doing what they need when they need it (within reason, obviously you have to prioritize needs when you have more than one kid with needs and if you have more than one kid, you will have more than one kid with needs) and doing what you need when you have time. Sometimes, it means hoping I'll make it to the bathroom because I've just been so busy that I didn't realize I needed to use the bathroom until its almost too late. Its like being a toddler all over again and being so busy playing you don't think about peeing LOL. I've developed a newfound understanding for Izzy's accidents lately due to a couple close calls myself. Sometimes being a mom means making the right decision for your kids and not the one that feels good. It feels good to give our kids what they want when they want it, but its not always what is good for them. Sometimes we have to be the bad guy in a season of our kids' lives to show them the right way to travel. And most of all, being a good mom means being a good example. It means dressing, walking, eating, acting, doing and thinking in the manner we would like our kids to. Being a good mom is hard, especially if you look at it in the long run. Its a lot easier and more doable if you take it moment by moment. Most of all, I am trying to remember to enjoy every moment because now is the only moment I have and I can't even hold that one. As soon as its here, its gone and it will never come back.
Sorry for the rambling blog. Its been a long, tiring day. I'm off to go play outside with the kids to get them good and tired for bedtime. Happy mothering :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
What I wish I knew before I had my first child. . .
1. Doctors are NOT all knowing. You don't have to do everything they tell you to do. You should do your own research on everything and make the best informed decision you can. After all, you are Dr. Mom. There's no app for that.
2. When your child is 1 and wants to help, let her. Encourage her. It might take twice as long to do whatever you are doing with her "helping" NOW, but if you encourage that helpfulness, it won't be long before her helping will save you time. And that's a lot easier to get her to do if you encourage it starting when she's interested in doing it. Teaching her to do it right the first time and encouraging her desire to help will pay off big time. It is not fun to argue with a 6 year old about why she "always" has to help. Do yourself a favor and don't let it get to that point.
3. Time goes way too fast. Don't blink. Don't wish it away. Just enjoy it, whatever it is because there is a season for everything and when that season is over, you almost always miss it. Even if its a season of snuggling on the couch and giving breathing treatments while being barfed on. BTDT and missing my 6 year old being little enough to cuddle like that now that she's "too big" to want to cuddle.
4. Your mother was right. And she's still right. Listen to your mother every once in a while. It will save you a lot of heartache and time and pain. Remember, she's the Dr. Mom you learned from. She is the only app for that you've got.
5. Take care of you. Sleep when she sleeps because your first baby is the only one you can do that with, guilt-free. Every other child after that carries with him/her the potential to feel bad that you're neglecting the older ones when you nap with the younger ones, even if the older one(s) is (are) asleep. Take a shower, brush your teeth, make sure you eat right and sleep when you need it. If you don't take care of yourself and you get run down, who is going to take care of you and your baby? Besides, you want to be a good example for him/her and you're definitely going to want your kids to brush their teeth, bathe, eat properly and sleep when they need it.
6. Be a good example. Invariably, your child will copy everything you do or say that you don't want them to copy. Minimizing that saves you a lot of frustration in the long run even if its hard to do in the short run.
7. Cut yourself some slack. You are not perfect and can't hope to be. Do your best, do what you can do when you can do it, and then cut yourself some slack for your failings. Learn from them, do better next time, but don't beat yourself up over something that's done and can't be undone.
8. You can't keep everything. 2 years from now, you will look at that picture in the pile of nearly identical pictures that really amount to huge blobs of scribbles and wonder what it is and why you kept it. You will probably, at the same time, be keeping other drawings that are only slightly more recognizable that you will feel the same way about in another 2 years time. Its a vicious cycle. Keep 1-2 and toss the rest. You'll thank yourself for it later. Trust me.
9. Trust your instincts. You have them for a reason and that reason is not so you can ignore them.
10. Take a break every once in a while. Its hard, but important. When you take a break and come back refreshed, you will be a better mom. And you can get refreshed even if all you do is sit at Starbucks, drink tea and eat a muffin while thinking about your baby and missing her.
11. Everything around your baby will affect him/her. So get informed about everything so you can make informed decisions about what to feed them, what cleaning supplies to use around them, what lotions and soaps to use on them. Its all important. So learn what you can and do the best you can with the knowledge you obtain.
I may add to this from time to time as I think of more things I wish I knew then that it might benefit new moms to know now. Happy parenting :)
2. When your child is 1 and wants to help, let her. Encourage her. It might take twice as long to do whatever you are doing with her "helping" NOW, but if you encourage that helpfulness, it won't be long before her helping will save you time. And that's a lot easier to get her to do if you encourage it starting when she's interested in doing it. Teaching her to do it right the first time and encouraging her desire to help will pay off big time. It is not fun to argue with a 6 year old about why she "always" has to help. Do yourself a favor and don't let it get to that point.
3. Time goes way too fast. Don't blink. Don't wish it away. Just enjoy it, whatever it is because there is a season for everything and when that season is over, you almost always miss it. Even if its a season of snuggling on the couch and giving breathing treatments while being barfed on. BTDT and missing my 6 year old being little enough to cuddle like that now that she's "too big" to want to cuddle.
4. Your mother was right. And she's still right. Listen to your mother every once in a while. It will save you a lot of heartache and time and pain. Remember, she's the Dr. Mom you learned from. She is the only app for that you've got.
5. Take care of you. Sleep when she sleeps because your first baby is the only one you can do that with, guilt-free. Every other child after that carries with him/her the potential to feel bad that you're neglecting the older ones when you nap with the younger ones, even if the older one(s) is (are) asleep. Take a shower, brush your teeth, make sure you eat right and sleep when you need it. If you don't take care of yourself and you get run down, who is going to take care of you and your baby? Besides, you want to be a good example for him/her and you're definitely going to want your kids to brush their teeth, bathe, eat properly and sleep when they need it.
6. Be a good example. Invariably, your child will copy everything you do or say that you don't want them to copy. Minimizing that saves you a lot of frustration in the long run even if its hard to do in the short run.
7. Cut yourself some slack. You are not perfect and can't hope to be. Do your best, do what you can do when you can do it, and then cut yourself some slack for your failings. Learn from them, do better next time, but don't beat yourself up over something that's done and can't be undone.
8. You can't keep everything. 2 years from now, you will look at that picture in the pile of nearly identical pictures that really amount to huge blobs of scribbles and wonder what it is and why you kept it. You will probably, at the same time, be keeping other drawings that are only slightly more recognizable that you will feel the same way about in another 2 years time. Its a vicious cycle. Keep 1-2 and toss the rest. You'll thank yourself for it later. Trust me.
9. Trust your instincts. You have them for a reason and that reason is not so you can ignore them.
10. Take a break every once in a while. Its hard, but important. When you take a break and come back refreshed, you will be a better mom. And you can get refreshed even if all you do is sit at Starbucks, drink tea and eat a muffin while thinking about your baby and missing her.
11. Everything around your baby will affect him/her. So get informed about everything so you can make informed decisions about what to feed them, what cleaning supplies to use around them, what lotions and soaps to use on them. Its all important. So learn what you can and do the best you can with the knowledge you obtain.
I may add to this from time to time as I think of more things I wish I knew then that it might benefit new moms to know now. Happy parenting :)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I am a broken record. . . play me again ;)
"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."
"Because I said so."
"Because its good for you."
"No."
"Not yet."
"Wait."
These are just a few of the things I say. Repeatedly. Every day. Repetition is boring. But its also a big part of motherhood.
I've heard it said that it takes 30 days to create a habit. And we are to train our children in the way they should go and when they are old they will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6). We are to train our children, to create good habits that will benefit them when they are older, that will make them more successful, better able to deal with life, better people to share our world with. If it takes 30 days of being consistent to create a habit and on average 10 times a day repeating the same thing over and over again to get them to listen, then it would take on average 300 times saying the same thing consistently without "letting them slide this time" or "cutting them some slack" to create one good habit. Now, if your child is extra stubborn (I think I have 4 of those) or if you aren't consistent or if they have a random relapse and suddenly start doing the bad habit again after months of not doing it (think toilet training for example), you may have to say the same thing many more times than 300 to create a good habit.
Then we get into the fact that you probably want your child to have more than one good habit. What do you think that means? You got it. . . more repeating.
I have, on occasion, had to tell Addy the same thing 3 times within as many minutes, at which time I usually tell her she can ask me a million times in a million slightly different ways and the answer will remain the same. That usually buys me about 5 minutes. Repetition gets old fast. And it gets boring just as fast, maybe even faster. But I would rather be bored and say the same answer a million times and in doing so create a good habit (or stifle a bad one) that will be beneficial to my child in specific and the world in general than give up after the 300th time and hope it sinks in when she gets older. I love her that much.
So I am a broken record, Lord. Play me again and again. And let my child learn to do what is right and bless her all the days of her life. In Jesus' name I pray this over each of my beautiful, stubborn girls. Amen.
"Because I said so."
"Because its good for you."
"No."
"Not yet."
"Wait."
These are just a few of the things I say. Repeatedly. Every day. Repetition is boring. But its also a big part of motherhood.
I've heard it said that it takes 30 days to create a habit. And we are to train our children in the way they should go and when they are old they will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6). We are to train our children, to create good habits that will benefit them when they are older, that will make them more successful, better able to deal with life, better people to share our world with. If it takes 30 days of being consistent to create a habit and on average 10 times a day repeating the same thing over and over again to get them to listen, then it would take on average 300 times saying the same thing consistently without "letting them slide this time" or "cutting them some slack" to create one good habit. Now, if your child is extra stubborn (I think I have 4 of those) or if you aren't consistent or if they have a random relapse and suddenly start doing the bad habit again after months of not doing it (think toilet training for example), you may have to say the same thing many more times than 300 to create a good habit.
Then we get into the fact that you probably want your child to have more than one good habit. What do you think that means? You got it. . . more repeating.
I have, on occasion, had to tell Addy the same thing 3 times within as many minutes, at which time I usually tell her she can ask me a million times in a million slightly different ways and the answer will remain the same. That usually buys me about 5 minutes. Repetition gets old fast. And it gets boring just as fast, maybe even faster. But I would rather be bored and say the same answer a million times and in doing so create a good habit (or stifle a bad one) that will be beneficial to my child in specific and the world in general than give up after the 300th time and hope it sinks in when she gets older. I love her that much.
So I am a broken record, Lord. Play me again and again. And let my child learn to do what is right and bless her all the days of her life. In Jesus' name I pray this over each of my beautiful, stubborn girls. Amen.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Have you earned your hazmat certification today?
OK, so maybe cleaning poop out of the bathtub isn't considered by OSHA to be true hazmat clean up, but I think that's partially because being a mom isn't considered an "occupation". We aren't paid a wage that can be taxed by the government, so even though we deal with a variety of bodily fluids on a daily basis that might make a caregiver or even a nurse wrinkle their nose and even though we deal with every hazardous material that comes out of or is anywhere in the vicinity of our children, there are no hazmat classes out there to help us.
That's just fine. I mean, I don't really want the government imposing regulations regarding the proper way to fish poop out of the tub or the appropriate rag to use to soak up an improperly contained urination. We can deal with our hazardous materials all on our own. But I still think a little recognition would be nice -- some kind of certification, a medal, a ribbon, a piece of paper to hang on the wall saying that we are the official go to person for any hazardous or bodily materials that anyone in our household might come in contact with. Yes, we are the unofficial experts, but I think it would be nice to make it official. Not that it would make the messes any less frequent, but who knows? It just might change the attitude of the one mom clean up crew. . .
Of course, I may just be preoccupied with this because it is 11:30 am here, which means we have been up for maybe 2.5 hours, and already I have cleaned up no less than 3 pees, 1 bathtub poop, and a noseful of snot that needed constant maintenance. There have been tears, spit up, spit out, none of which were mine. Yet. And when I'm done cleaning up all that, I get to clean the bathroom -- again -- because there are 2 baths worth of water on the floor -- 1 pre-poop and 1 post-poop.
Oh, they joys of motherhood. . . So tell me, have you earned your hazmat certification today? How?
That's just fine. I mean, I don't really want the government imposing regulations regarding the proper way to fish poop out of the tub or the appropriate rag to use to soak up an improperly contained urination. We can deal with our hazardous materials all on our own. But I still think a little recognition would be nice -- some kind of certification, a medal, a ribbon, a piece of paper to hang on the wall saying that we are the official go to person for any hazardous or bodily materials that anyone in our household might come in contact with. Yes, we are the unofficial experts, but I think it would be nice to make it official. Not that it would make the messes any less frequent, but who knows? It just might change the attitude of the one mom clean up crew. . .
Of course, I may just be preoccupied with this because it is 11:30 am here, which means we have been up for maybe 2.5 hours, and already I have cleaned up no less than 3 pees, 1 bathtub poop, and a noseful of snot that needed constant maintenance. There have been tears, spit up, spit out, none of which were mine. Yet. And when I'm done cleaning up all that, I get to clean the bathroom -- again -- because there are 2 baths worth of water on the floor -- 1 pre-poop and 1 post-poop.
Oh, they joys of motherhood. . . So tell me, have you earned your hazmat certification today? How?
Monday, June 28, 2010
Growing into it
We've all stored clothes that are too big for our kids for them to grown into. And at sometime in our lives, we've probably all seen some well-meaning elder lady "comforting" a new mom, telling her her kid would grow into their head/nose/ears/ whatever they percieve to be "too big". But did you ever think about growing into motherhood?
Sure, some girls were born to be moms. They slip into motherhood like Cinderella into her glass slipper. And you might think I'm one of those moms. But I assure you, I am not. No, I used to be that mom who would take her kid (this was back when I had just 1) to McD's for dinner to keep her happy and make life easier on me without a thought as to the nutritional value of that kind of dinner.
I didn't want to be a mom when I grew up. I didn't think about what I'd do if my kids did this or what I'd say if they did that. I "wasn't going to have kids."
Well, I did have kids and I'm happy I did. I can't imagine my life without them. But I am NOT an expert. I am NOT a pro. I'm learning more every day and one day I hope to be an expert or a pro or even a supermom. But for now, I'm dealing with the same growing pains that most moms deal with. Life becoming less about self and more about the kids. Figuring out how best to handle different kids in different situations. How to get the best out of said children. How to inspire them. How to inspire myself. How to maintain your sanity regardless of circumstances. I'm getting closer every day. I can feel it. But I still wake up some mornings to blisters where its not quite fitting.
So if anyone else is in the same boat I'm in, keep on walking. The shoe might not fit yet, but if you keep going, it will mold to you and you to it and that is worth all the growing pains and blisters along the way.
Sure, some girls were born to be moms. They slip into motherhood like Cinderella into her glass slipper. And you might think I'm one of those moms. But I assure you, I am not. No, I used to be that mom who would take her kid (this was back when I had just 1) to McD's for dinner to keep her happy and make life easier on me without a thought as to the nutritional value of that kind of dinner.
I didn't want to be a mom when I grew up. I didn't think about what I'd do if my kids did this or what I'd say if they did that. I "wasn't going to have kids."
Well, I did have kids and I'm happy I did. I can't imagine my life without them. But I am NOT an expert. I am NOT a pro. I'm learning more every day and one day I hope to be an expert or a pro or even a supermom. But for now, I'm dealing with the same growing pains that most moms deal with. Life becoming less about self and more about the kids. Figuring out how best to handle different kids in different situations. How to get the best out of said children. How to inspire them. How to inspire myself. How to maintain your sanity regardless of circumstances. I'm getting closer every day. I can feel it. But I still wake up some mornings to blisters where its not quite fitting.
So if anyone else is in the same boat I'm in, keep on walking. The shoe might not fit yet, but if you keep going, it will mold to you and you to it and that is worth all the growing pains and blisters along the way.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Let Me Sit With My Baby
Let me sit with my baby
And play for a while,
And forget all
my unfinished work
with a smile,
For every tomorrow
holds work to be done,
But lullaby moments
and peek-a-boo fun
Are life's tender treasures
meant just for today,
For babies grow up. . .
and the years
slip away.
I love that poem. I had it on a picture that I hung on the wall, but somehow in the move from my sister's house to our first real house, it got stuck in the garage, somehow got wet, and got moldy. So sadly I was forced to throw it away today, but I just couldn't do it until I put the poem somewhere where I could read it whenever I wanted to. And hopefully someone beside me will enjoy it as well.
And play for a while,
And forget all
my unfinished work
with a smile,
For every tomorrow
holds work to be done,
But lullaby moments
and peek-a-boo fun
Are life's tender treasures
meant just for today,
For babies grow up. . .
and the years
slip away.
I love that poem. I had it on a picture that I hung on the wall, but somehow in the move from my sister's house to our first real house, it got stuck in the garage, somehow got wet, and got moldy. So sadly I was forced to throw it away today, but I just couldn't do it until I put the poem somewhere where I could read it whenever I wanted to. And hopefully someone beside me will enjoy it as well.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
In The Matter of TV, We Find The Defendent. . .
Well, you can't pass a verdict without hearing the story, so here goes. . .
Before I had kids, I was "never going to let my kids watch tv." (I was also "never going to have kids," but I guess that's another story.) Then, I had Addy. She was such a joy, but a clingy joy. She wanted me to hold her 24/7 and as much as I wanted to do so, I also wanted to make her baby food. From scratch. The Dr. Denmark Way. By boiling fresh fruits, veggies and dried beans then mixing them and blending them together to make her meals.
So round about 3 months, Miss Addy and I began having issues. See, I wasn't aware of Attatchment Parenting at this point in time and she was going through a period when she would not sleep unless I was holding her. I got a baby carrier, but it was one of the ones you could get at Walmart or Target that multitasked. . . It would hold your baby in front of you and kill your back all at the same time. Not to mention, with Addy in front of me, she would reach for the pretty steam floating through the air. So we bought her a few Baby Einstein videos and a play yard (the kind that is like twice as wide as a play pen, a big square with mesh sides so baby can see through) and I would set her up in her play pen with a Baby Einstein video while I made her food. It was "no big deal," was "just a little" TV and was going to help her brain to develop to boot. And thus began our descent into TV Land.
Addy didn't watch much TV before she was 2. Then I got pregnant with Evie and for me, pregnancy is always marked by fatigue, which, combined with an energetic 2 year old ultimately resulted in "just a little" more TV. I was working a full time job, so Lord only knows how much television Addy watched at daycare. She was at an in-home day care and I did not typically see her watching TV when I picked her up, I do assume that a certain amount of TV was watched while she was there. Then Evie came. I stopped working and Joey was working weird hours and Evie was such a joy, but a clingy joy. True to the nature of all babies, she was a black hole for attention and in my guilt at paying more attention to Evie than Addy, I decided to compensate by letting her watch "just a little" more TV.
I never went back to work after Evie was born. I was going to stay home with the kids, take care of the house, be supermom. Easier said than done, though. Most of my time was spent taking care of the house, cleaning, making meals, which is no doubt beneficial to children. They thrive in a clean, healthy environment. And they like food. But I bet you can guess what they did while I cleaned and cooked. See I discovered that if they were parked in front of the TV like zombies, they were not following behind me and destroying what I had just cleaned. Which made me feel more productive.
But at what cost? At the worst point in time, after Izzy was born, Addy was at preK and Evie was the Queen of the castle. All she wanted to do was watch TV. She wanted to watch what she wanted to watch when she wanted to watch it and if it wasn't on, she would throw a fit. So I would record shows for her so I would always have what she wanted. When Addy got home, she would ask for everything that was on a commercial. Any commercial. And that was my breaking point.
In my opinion, television is a tool. It can be invaluable as far as distraction or redirection goes, but it should not be inevitable. If I had known when Addy was born that there would come a day when my children's snowball consumption of TV would cause them to think they are entitled to watch whatever they want whenever they want to and that that attitude would extend to them feeling entitled to also have everything that's in any commercial they happen to view, I don't think I would have ever started them out watching TV.
Even if you restrict their television to only learning shows, there will always be commercials and you can't control what commercials the channel they are watching elects to show. And you have no way of knowing how watching television will change their attitude until its changed and its a lot harder to change their attitude back than it is to avoid influences that can negatively change their attitude in the first place.
We can't protect our kids from everything. Sometimes television provides teachable moments that we wish we hadn't exposed our kids to, but we can take advantage of and get something good out of it. We can try to avoid the bad and gravitate toward the good. For example, I know my 2 year old wouldn't know how to count to 12 in Spanish if it wasn't for Dora. But I still don't want her watching it 24/7.
So now, I am constantly hearing "I didn't get to watch tv yet today" to which I am replying, "well, you don't get to watch tv everyday and you shouldn't expect to." I am still allowing them to watch their Disney VHSs and VeggieTales VHSs at rest-time and they do watch television at other times as well, but these days I am a lot more vigilent to paying attention to the volume of television they are exposed to and their attitudes in the process. I've been having them play outside a lot more, Evie and Addy like to play together on their own in the playroom a lot and they also enjoy playing with Izzy, and Evie particularly likes to help me with whatever work I am trying to do, so there is no longer the need to park them in front of the television just so I can accomplish something.
Nowadays, its harder for me to find the energy to accomplish something in the first place than it is to convince the children not to destroy it as soon as its done. They are getting older and maturing and I would rather teach them not to make a mess these days or to clean up any messes they make than feel like my only choice is to distract them from making messes by letting them watch TV.
So the verdict is. . . that TV is a tool. It can be used for good, or it can be used to produce a bad result much as you can use a hammer to fix something or you can use it to make a hole in the wall. But how can you blame the hammer for any holes that are made with it?
My views on television have changed constantly during my life and I personally still watch a lot of television when my kids are asleep and I am crocheting/knitting, which helps me to relax and is something I enjoy, but is also something that would otherwise be very boring to me. There are a lot of shows I like and even more that I don't like. I am choosy about what I watch and what I allow my kids to watch.
I'm not yet ready to rid my house of televisions and I'm happy with my DirectTV DVR, which enables me to watch my shows when the kiddos sleep, so I don't have to ever choose between TV and my kids or worry about my kids being exposed to shows that are above their age level but appropriate for mine. Not that there would ever be a question about which I would choose -- my kids will always come first no matter what, but its nice that TV can always wait until later and I don't have to feel like I'm missing anything.
Everyone has different views on television and I encourage you to think about what your children are watching, how much television they are watching and how it effects them and their attitudes when determining what your verdict will be and what policy you're going to follow regarding television. Put your tool where it belongs and keep it where you can find it when it can be useful to you. And don't be afraid to revise your policy whenever it needs revision. Policies about television, much like discipline, must always change to keep up with our everchanging lives and continually developing children.
Before I had kids, I was "never going to let my kids watch tv." (I was also "never going to have kids," but I guess that's another story.) Then, I had Addy. She was such a joy, but a clingy joy. She wanted me to hold her 24/7 and as much as I wanted to do so, I also wanted to make her baby food. From scratch. The Dr. Denmark Way. By boiling fresh fruits, veggies and dried beans then mixing them and blending them together to make her meals.
So round about 3 months, Miss Addy and I began having issues. See, I wasn't aware of Attatchment Parenting at this point in time and she was going through a period when she would not sleep unless I was holding her. I got a baby carrier, but it was one of the ones you could get at Walmart or Target that multitasked. . . It would hold your baby in front of you and kill your back all at the same time. Not to mention, with Addy in front of me, she would reach for the pretty steam floating through the air. So we bought her a few Baby Einstein videos and a play yard (the kind that is like twice as wide as a play pen, a big square with mesh sides so baby can see through) and I would set her up in her play pen with a Baby Einstein video while I made her food. It was "no big deal," was "just a little" TV and was going to help her brain to develop to boot. And thus began our descent into TV Land.
Addy didn't watch much TV before she was 2. Then I got pregnant with Evie and for me, pregnancy is always marked by fatigue, which, combined with an energetic 2 year old ultimately resulted in "just a little" more TV. I was working a full time job, so Lord only knows how much television Addy watched at daycare. She was at an in-home day care and I did not typically see her watching TV when I picked her up, I do assume that a certain amount of TV was watched while she was there. Then Evie came. I stopped working and Joey was working weird hours and Evie was such a joy, but a clingy joy. True to the nature of all babies, she was a black hole for attention and in my guilt at paying more attention to Evie than Addy, I decided to compensate by letting her watch "just a little" more TV.
I never went back to work after Evie was born. I was going to stay home with the kids, take care of the house, be supermom. Easier said than done, though. Most of my time was spent taking care of the house, cleaning, making meals, which is no doubt beneficial to children. They thrive in a clean, healthy environment. And they like food. But I bet you can guess what they did while I cleaned and cooked. See I discovered that if they were parked in front of the TV like zombies, they were not following behind me and destroying what I had just cleaned. Which made me feel more productive.
But at what cost? At the worst point in time, after Izzy was born, Addy was at preK and Evie was the Queen of the castle. All she wanted to do was watch TV. She wanted to watch what she wanted to watch when she wanted to watch it and if it wasn't on, she would throw a fit. So I would record shows for her so I would always have what she wanted. When Addy got home, she would ask for everything that was on a commercial. Any commercial. And that was my breaking point.
In my opinion, television is a tool. It can be invaluable as far as distraction or redirection goes, but it should not be inevitable. If I had known when Addy was born that there would come a day when my children's snowball consumption of TV would cause them to think they are entitled to watch whatever they want whenever they want to and that that attitude would extend to them feeling entitled to also have everything that's in any commercial they happen to view, I don't think I would have ever started them out watching TV.
Even if you restrict their television to only learning shows, there will always be commercials and you can't control what commercials the channel they are watching elects to show. And you have no way of knowing how watching television will change their attitude until its changed and its a lot harder to change their attitude back than it is to avoid influences that can negatively change their attitude in the first place.
We can't protect our kids from everything. Sometimes television provides teachable moments that we wish we hadn't exposed our kids to, but we can take advantage of and get something good out of it. We can try to avoid the bad and gravitate toward the good. For example, I know my 2 year old wouldn't know how to count to 12 in Spanish if it wasn't for Dora. But I still don't want her watching it 24/7.
So now, I am constantly hearing "I didn't get to watch tv yet today" to which I am replying, "well, you don't get to watch tv everyday and you shouldn't expect to." I am still allowing them to watch their Disney VHSs and VeggieTales VHSs at rest-time and they do watch television at other times as well, but these days I am a lot more vigilent to paying attention to the volume of television they are exposed to and their attitudes in the process. I've been having them play outside a lot more, Evie and Addy like to play together on their own in the playroom a lot and they also enjoy playing with Izzy, and Evie particularly likes to help me with whatever work I am trying to do, so there is no longer the need to park them in front of the television just so I can accomplish something.
Nowadays, its harder for me to find the energy to accomplish something in the first place than it is to convince the children not to destroy it as soon as its done. They are getting older and maturing and I would rather teach them not to make a mess these days or to clean up any messes they make than feel like my only choice is to distract them from making messes by letting them watch TV.
So the verdict is. . . that TV is a tool. It can be used for good, or it can be used to produce a bad result much as you can use a hammer to fix something or you can use it to make a hole in the wall. But how can you blame the hammer for any holes that are made with it?
My views on television have changed constantly during my life and I personally still watch a lot of television when my kids are asleep and I am crocheting/knitting, which helps me to relax and is something I enjoy, but is also something that would otherwise be very boring to me. There are a lot of shows I like and even more that I don't like. I am choosy about what I watch and what I allow my kids to watch.
I'm not yet ready to rid my house of televisions and I'm happy with my DirectTV DVR, which enables me to watch my shows when the kiddos sleep, so I don't have to ever choose between TV and my kids or worry about my kids being exposed to shows that are above their age level but appropriate for mine. Not that there would ever be a question about which I would choose -- my kids will always come first no matter what, but its nice that TV can always wait until later and I don't have to feel like I'm missing anything.
Everyone has different views on television and I encourage you to think about what your children are watching, how much television they are watching and how it effects them and their attitudes when determining what your verdict will be and what policy you're going to follow regarding television. Put your tool where it belongs and keep it where you can find it when it can be useful to you. And don't be afraid to revise your policy whenever it needs revision. Policies about television, much like discipline, must always change to keep up with our everchanging lives and continually developing children.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Ultimate Knitting
I have spotty memory. For example, I can't remember the lady's name, but I remember that my mom had a friend who was a singer and I remember the introduction to a song she sang --or part of it, at least -- "you knit me together in my mother's body. I am fearfully and wonderfully made because you made me so" but I can't remember any of the song. I wish I could remember the song. I have a feeling it would be one of those songs that I could find on youtube and watch a million times in a row. If I could just remember a few of the words, I could search the lyrics and find the song. But I can't remember any of the words.
The art of knitting, to me, is taking something purposeless, one-dimensional, flat but with potential that you can see in it before you pick it up and turning it into something, shaping it, forming something that is useful and beautiful.
The ultimate knitter in my opinion is God. I mean, all I can knit is yarn. And I have to have the yarn to be able to knit it. God created this world from nothing. He spoke it into existance. He knits people out of nothing. If that isn't ultimate knitting, I don't know what is. I am in awe of God's creativity, art, talent and sheer power.
Some days I wish I could knit people. Mostly my husband and kids, but it would really be useful in all relationships. If you could see people the way you see knitting, you would be able to tell where the dropped stitch is and be able to pick it up and repair it like it had never been dropped, you would know where the loose stitch is to be able to tighten up the stitches around it so that they were all uniform. You would know where the problem is, what the problem is and would be able to figure out how to fix it.
Its just not that easy with people. Most of the time, I don't know what's bothering my family and even when I do, I don't know how to fix it. And when I do know how to fix it, it is nothing as simple as just picking up a dropped stitch with a crochet hook and making loops until it can again become a live stitch and be worked as if it was never dropped. I can knit beautifully, but I can't get through to my kids and for that reason, I feel like an utter failure most of the time. And I don't know where that dropped stitch is.
Today, I pray that God will teach me how to mold the beautiful children he knit together in my body so that they will grow into the people he created them to be, capable of doing the good work he created them to do. For we are all made with a purpose. Then again, perhaps I should just leave the knitting to the One who can see the stitches and just admire His work.
The art of knitting, to me, is taking something purposeless, one-dimensional, flat but with potential that you can see in it before you pick it up and turning it into something, shaping it, forming something that is useful and beautiful.
The ultimate knitter in my opinion is God. I mean, all I can knit is yarn. And I have to have the yarn to be able to knit it. God created this world from nothing. He spoke it into existance. He knits people out of nothing. If that isn't ultimate knitting, I don't know what is. I am in awe of God's creativity, art, talent and sheer power.
Some days I wish I could knit people. Mostly my husband and kids, but it would really be useful in all relationships. If you could see people the way you see knitting, you would be able to tell where the dropped stitch is and be able to pick it up and repair it like it had never been dropped, you would know where the loose stitch is to be able to tighten up the stitches around it so that they were all uniform. You would know where the problem is, what the problem is and would be able to figure out how to fix it.
Its just not that easy with people. Most of the time, I don't know what's bothering my family and even when I do, I don't know how to fix it. And when I do know how to fix it, it is nothing as simple as just picking up a dropped stitch with a crochet hook and making loops until it can again become a live stitch and be worked as if it was never dropped. I can knit beautifully, but I can't get through to my kids and for that reason, I feel like an utter failure most of the time. And I don't know where that dropped stitch is.
Today, I pray that God will teach me how to mold the beautiful children he knit together in my body so that they will grow into the people he created them to be, capable of doing the good work he created them to do. For we are all made with a purpose. Then again, perhaps I should just leave the knitting to the One who can see the stitches and just admire His work.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Loving Every Minute of it
Recently, I was given an opportunity to visit my extended family in Mobile. We live about 8 hours from there and don't find the time to visit nearly often enough. While we were there, my uncle commented on how happy I was to be a stay at home mom. Now I can totally understand his surprise. I mean, I was the girl who wasn't going to have any kids because of my childhood, so the fact that I have 3 daughters in itself is probably a surprise to many people. And the idea of me being happy as a stay at home mom would probably be just shy of inconceivable.
Not that I feel the need to explain myself to people I haven't seen in years, but I did feel like explaining myself and my parenting "just because".
First of all, I am not a perfect mom. I get frustrated, impatient, angry, sad, lonely, depressed, bored, any and all feelings that adults who are not parents feel toward other people's kids, I have felt toward mine at least once. In fact, the other day I joined a contest in someone else's blog. The question was "In what activity would you like a lesson from an expert?" and my answer was that I would like a lesson from an expert in gently but effectively disciplining my children. I've tried spanking, the supernanny approach of time out for everything, naptime, I'm embarrassed to say I sometimes even find myself yelling (the spanking of today). . . I know not all children can be disciplined the same and not all situations call for the same type of discipline, so maybe what I *really* need is a lesson from an expert in patience or better understanding my kids. . . but that's what I'd like a lesson in.
I'm not proud of my intermittent lack of effectiveness, but I am honest enough to admit it. There are days when I would be happy and willing to go back to work despite the astronomical amount I'd have to pay for childare. The important thing is that I muscle through those times and make it through to the other side.
What keeps me going and keeps me sane and even happy being a stay at home mom is the little things -- the way Evie always comes to me to get a kiss whenever she stubs her toe (and sometimes she makes up stubbing a toe just so she can have a kiss LOL), playing games with the girls, reading to them -- the times when we have peaceful moments, when we are all cooperating and getting along. The smell of Izzy's hair. The varying expressions of each of their faces. The intelligent insights Addy spouts at times. The hugs, the kisses, the snuggles, the love. The times we are all traveling in the car and the kids drive us so crazy Joey and I just bust out laughing. The minutes that I would miss if they were in childcare are what keep me going when I'm at my wits and nerves end.
And I am getting better. Its a constant process. An ever changing process. The most important thing to my sanity is constantly reminding myself that they are children, that time is fleeting and life is unpredictable. I have to be more flexible. Its easy to expect today to be like yesterday, to expect something that worked before to work again, but in reality, that's not always the case. I have to remember that we are all evolving. They are learning and developing and changing as people just as I am learning, developing and changing as a mother. It is a constant process and even if today is bad, tomorrow could be better or it could be worse.
Regardless of what tomorrow brings, I have been blessed by God with 3 beautiful, intelligent, healthy, happy, creative, sweet, saucy, loving daughters. I am making every effort to enjoy every minute I have with them because we are not guaranteed another moment. We all have our time lines set, we are each alloted a specific amount of time here and none of us know how long that will be. I am making every effort to be a better mom tomorrow than I am today because not only is this my God given responsibility, but it is also the "job" I have chosen for myself and I want to do the best "job" I possibly can. Not just because I am an over-achiever, but also because I know the quality of job I do will affect them for the rest of their lives. I love them more than I ever imagined it possible to love another person and I want to have a positive impact on their lives.
Yes, I'm an over-achieving, slightly neurotic mom of 3, just doing my best to do my best. Its not the funnest job imaginable, but its the most rewarding and most challenging and the best job for me.
Not that I feel the need to explain myself to people I haven't seen in years, but I did feel like explaining myself and my parenting "just because".
First of all, I am not a perfect mom. I get frustrated, impatient, angry, sad, lonely, depressed, bored, any and all feelings that adults who are not parents feel toward other people's kids, I have felt toward mine at least once. In fact, the other day I joined a contest in someone else's blog. The question was "In what activity would you like a lesson from an expert?" and my answer was that I would like a lesson from an expert in gently but effectively disciplining my children. I've tried spanking, the supernanny approach of time out for everything, naptime, I'm embarrassed to say I sometimes even find myself yelling (the spanking of today). . . I know not all children can be disciplined the same and not all situations call for the same type of discipline, so maybe what I *really* need is a lesson from an expert in patience or better understanding my kids. . . but that's what I'd like a lesson in.
I'm not proud of my intermittent lack of effectiveness, but I am honest enough to admit it. There are days when I would be happy and willing to go back to work despite the astronomical amount I'd have to pay for childare. The important thing is that I muscle through those times and make it through to the other side.
What keeps me going and keeps me sane and even happy being a stay at home mom is the little things -- the way Evie always comes to me to get a kiss whenever she stubs her toe (and sometimes she makes up stubbing a toe just so she can have a kiss LOL), playing games with the girls, reading to them -- the times when we have peaceful moments, when we are all cooperating and getting along. The smell of Izzy's hair. The varying expressions of each of their faces. The intelligent insights Addy spouts at times. The hugs, the kisses, the snuggles, the love. The times we are all traveling in the car and the kids drive us so crazy Joey and I just bust out laughing. The minutes that I would miss if they were in childcare are what keep me going when I'm at my wits and nerves end.
And I am getting better. Its a constant process. An ever changing process. The most important thing to my sanity is constantly reminding myself that they are children, that time is fleeting and life is unpredictable. I have to be more flexible. Its easy to expect today to be like yesterday, to expect something that worked before to work again, but in reality, that's not always the case. I have to remember that we are all evolving. They are learning and developing and changing as people just as I am learning, developing and changing as a mother. It is a constant process and even if today is bad, tomorrow could be better or it could be worse.
Regardless of what tomorrow brings, I have been blessed by God with 3 beautiful, intelligent, healthy, happy, creative, sweet, saucy, loving daughters. I am making every effort to enjoy every minute I have with them because we are not guaranteed another moment. We all have our time lines set, we are each alloted a specific amount of time here and none of us know how long that will be. I am making every effort to be a better mom tomorrow than I am today because not only is this my God given responsibility, but it is also the "job" I have chosen for myself and I want to do the best "job" I possibly can. Not just because I am an over-achiever, but also because I know the quality of job I do will affect them for the rest of their lives. I love them more than I ever imagined it possible to love another person and I want to have a positive impact on their lives.
Yes, I'm an over-achieving, slightly neurotic mom of 3, just doing my best to do my best. Its not the funnest job imaginable, but its the most rewarding and most challenging and the best job for me.
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