Why is it that when you're looking for a recipe, that's the one that is stuck to another page in your cook book? Probably because you spilled something on that page the last time. . .
Well, to make sure that doesn't happen again, here is my muffin recipe. . .
Ingredients:
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil (I prefer safflower oil with vitamin E in it)
1 large egg
1 tbsp vanilla
1 cup blueberries
2 cups all purpose flour (I prefer King Arthur's brand)
1/2 cup plus 2 heaping tbsp sugar
2 tsp baking powder (I prefer aluminum free)
1/2 tsp salt
cinnamon if desired
Preheat oven to 400 and spray bottom of muffin cups or line with muffin papers.
mix first 4 ingredients with a whisk, add blueberries
sift last 5 ingredients together
add dry ingredients to wet ingredients, stir just until moist (will be lumpy)
fill muffin cups about 2/3 full
bake 20-25 minutes or until golden brown. if in muffin papers, remove immediately. If not, let stand for 5 minutes then remove from pan.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
I don't post pictures of my kids on this blog because I don't want to. I love my kids. I'm very proud of my kids. I think they are adorable and fantastic and wonderful. I sometimes post pictures of my kids on FB, but I don't do it very often for several reasons:
1. I'm pretty sure I don't have any pedophiles on my friend list, but you never know and the idea of anyone getting aroused while looking at pics of my kids is really gross.
2. I'm selfish and I like to keep the cuteness to myself. I know I should share my kids more, but I tend to think if anyone *really* wants to see them, they can see them in real life and take their own pictures to remember the occasion by. And that includes their father. Yes its a bit petty, but I am not going to provide anyone who has not seen my kids in over a year by their own choice with photos to brag about them with. If you want to play daddy of the year, start off by visiting your kids at least 1 time in that year.
3. I'm not really that great of a photographer and don't want to post examples of my shoddy work.
4. There is usually stuff cluttering up my pictures. I do my best to keep our house clean, but with 7 kids and 3 adults running around, stuff gets on the floor, on the couch, on the table. . . everywhere. Rapidly. Without ceasing. Until everyone is asleep. At which time, pictures are no longer being taken. I do my best, but if I were to post pictures online for the world to see, I would want to screen out the pictures that show clutter/messes, which wouldn't leave that many pictures to post. And that would add stress to my life that I just don't want to deal with. It would be a small amount of stress, but stress has a tendency to accumulate quickly in my experience.
I am probably not going to post pictures of my kids in this blog. Ever. Because it is a public blog and anyone can see pictures of them in it and I don't feel comfortable posting pics of my kids that anyone can see. I want my blog to be open and genuine and engaging and I feel like I can accomplish this in my posts through my words. I am not willing to post pictures of every aspect of my life because that's just not me.
1. I'm pretty sure I don't have any pedophiles on my friend list, but you never know and the idea of anyone getting aroused while looking at pics of my kids is really gross.
2. I'm selfish and I like to keep the cuteness to myself. I know I should share my kids more, but I tend to think if anyone *really* wants to see them, they can see them in real life and take their own pictures to remember the occasion by. And that includes their father. Yes its a bit petty, but I am not going to provide anyone who has not seen my kids in over a year by their own choice with photos to brag about them with. If you want to play daddy of the year, start off by visiting your kids at least 1 time in that year.
3. I'm not really that great of a photographer and don't want to post examples of my shoddy work.
4. There is usually stuff cluttering up my pictures. I do my best to keep our house clean, but with 7 kids and 3 adults running around, stuff gets on the floor, on the couch, on the table. . . everywhere. Rapidly. Without ceasing. Until everyone is asleep. At which time, pictures are no longer being taken. I do my best, but if I were to post pictures online for the world to see, I would want to screen out the pictures that show clutter/messes, which wouldn't leave that many pictures to post. And that would add stress to my life that I just don't want to deal with. It would be a small amount of stress, but stress has a tendency to accumulate quickly in my experience.
I am probably not going to post pictures of my kids in this blog. Ever. Because it is a public blog and anyone can see pictures of them in it and I don't feel comfortable posting pics of my kids that anyone can see. I want my blog to be open and genuine and engaging and I feel like I can accomplish this in my posts through my words. I am not willing to post pictures of every aspect of my life because that's just not me.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Inspiring?
I read a great new blog the other day and thought "Wow, I wish I could write like that." And be open and engaging and genuine. And then, I realized I can be. . .
Well, I can try, at least.
I always wanted this blog to be a place where I could be me and share parenting tips and be genuine. And then my husband left and I felt like I had to censor every word that I typed, just in case he happened upon this blog and wanted to use it against me in court. Then I got out of the habit of posting because the idea of filtering what I posted was distasteful to me. Well, I'm divorced now and my ex has no desire to have anything to do with our kids, so I think I'm safe to be me, uncensored. Especially since me, uncensored would mostly be G or PG-13 rated anyways. . . Not sure what I thought I was censoring, anyways. Sigh.
I am trying to be a better mom. Which isn't to say I'm a bad mom, just that I think I could do better and I'm trying. And while I'm in the midst of thinking I can do better, people who admire me annoy me, mostly because I'm annoyed with myself because I think I can do better. Its a vicious cycle of annoyance that I wish I could get away from. And getting away from that vicious cycle is one of the ways I think I can do better. Which, I think, is annoying. And the start of another vicious cycle.
I am human. Limited. Finite. At the same time, I have unlimited possibilities and infinite potential. So do I do what I can and leave the rest to God (or whomever he appoints to do the leftover tasks) or do I over-extend myself and reach for the possibilities? I'm leaning towards the former due to my current sleep deficit. But I don't want to get in the habit of just doing what I can and never trying to stretch and do more because I know how hard habits can be to break. And it annoys me.
Today, my girls and I got our hair cut during Love Loud at our church. We went to the same salon our pastor gets his hair cut at and they were incredibly sweet and gracious and they did a fantastic job. And somewhere during that time, I spoke to the hair stylist about the past year of my life and she told me I was an inspiration and that just made me sad. From my perspective, all I have done this past year is take care of my kids while their father chose not to. I don't see that as being inspiring. I see that as a parent doing what a parent should do. And it saddens me to think that I live in a world where a parent acting like a parent is inspiring. It was nice of her to say. I'm sure she was trying to be encouraging, but it was a little depressing. Which is probably, at least in part, the sleep deficit talking. Which is why I am going to stop blogging right now and go to bed and hopefully reduce that deficit a bit. Goodnight :)
Well, I can try, at least.
I always wanted this blog to be a place where I could be me and share parenting tips and be genuine. And then my husband left and I felt like I had to censor every word that I typed, just in case he happened upon this blog and wanted to use it against me in court. Then I got out of the habit of posting because the idea of filtering what I posted was distasteful to me. Well, I'm divorced now and my ex has no desire to have anything to do with our kids, so I think I'm safe to be me, uncensored. Especially since me, uncensored would mostly be G or PG-13 rated anyways. . . Not sure what I thought I was censoring, anyways. Sigh.
I am trying to be a better mom. Which isn't to say I'm a bad mom, just that I think I could do better and I'm trying. And while I'm in the midst of thinking I can do better, people who admire me annoy me, mostly because I'm annoyed with myself because I think I can do better. Its a vicious cycle of annoyance that I wish I could get away from. And getting away from that vicious cycle is one of the ways I think I can do better. Which, I think, is annoying. And the start of another vicious cycle.
I am human. Limited. Finite. At the same time, I have unlimited possibilities and infinite potential. So do I do what I can and leave the rest to God (or whomever he appoints to do the leftover tasks) or do I over-extend myself and reach for the possibilities? I'm leaning towards the former due to my current sleep deficit. But I don't want to get in the habit of just doing what I can and never trying to stretch and do more because I know how hard habits can be to break. And it annoys me.
Today, my girls and I got our hair cut during Love Loud at our church. We went to the same salon our pastor gets his hair cut at and they were incredibly sweet and gracious and they did a fantastic job. And somewhere during that time, I spoke to the hair stylist about the past year of my life and she told me I was an inspiration and that just made me sad. From my perspective, all I have done this past year is take care of my kids while their father chose not to. I don't see that as being inspiring. I see that as a parent doing what a parent should do. And it saddens me to think that I live in a world where a parent acting like a parent is inspiring. It was nice of her to say. I'm sure she was trying to be encouraging, but it was a little depressing. Which is probably, at least in part, the sleep deficit talking. Which is why I am going to stop blogging right now and go to bed and hopefully reduce that deficit a bit. Goodnight :)
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wait, there's life after divorce? Weird. . .
This has been a very confusing time in my life, a time where I feel as if I am being sifted and measured. . . and typically found lacking. I've spent the past year worrying and stressing and strategizing and trying to figure out how to get here and now that I'm here, I'm not really sure what to do with myself or where to go from here.
Its a relief to no longer worry about and dread the divorce, but at the same time there is a feeling that all that time I spent worrying was a total waste. Why did I worry instead of spending that time figuring out what to do next? Did I think time would stop once I got here, that I'd be given time to think it over before time would continue? Well, it didn't. Now that I'm here, I have to figure out where to go from here and I'm not really sure how to start that process because -- well, I never really thought that I would ever be here. I guess you could say I am totally out of my element.
Time marches on, that's for sure. One thing that I have come to know (even if I haven't learned to utilize it) is that time is the one thing you must pay for everything you do. Everything takes time. And you can't undo or reverse it. You can't get a refund or a do over. Does that mean I have learned time management skills? Heck no. But it does mean that I would like to. Like yesterday ;) Sadly, though, I have also found that if you don't know what you want to do with yourself and your life, you have no destination to aim for and no measuring standard to use to determine what progress you have made toward your goal. Because you have no goal. And "getting through this" is not a goal. Its a coping mechanism. A way to encourage yourself, to tell yourself you will make it past here one day because you're "getting through this" one step at a time. As coping mechanisms go, its great, but as long-distance planning goes, it kinda sucks.
In 4 days, it will be the 1 year anniversary of the day when my life officially changed courses. When I went from a "happily married", stay at home mom, on track and expecting to spend the rest of my life with the man I loved, watching our kids and grandkids grow to being a derailed single mom of 4 -- a displaced homemaker, constantly wondering. Wondering if I'm doing enough to compensate for the fact that their dad left. Wondering if I'm being a good mom and a good dad all at the same time. Wondering how I'm ever going to support my kids when I can't even get a job that would cover the cost of daycare, much less have anything left over to use to support my kids. Wondering what I'm going to do with my life. Obviously I'll always be a mom, but now I have to be more and I have no idea what that more needs to be. Or where to find the time to be it. Or the time to become it. Or how to transform into it.
I'm floundering a little, but I'm still treading water and we'll make it. God is for me, so who can ever stop me? God is with me so what can stand against me?
I'm not really worried about the future anymore. I've seen how God has led me through this divorce to a place where I never intended to be. I've seen how He has taken care of me and walked with me. I've felt His support and love and protection all around me every step of the way. And I am excited to see where we will go next and how we will get there. At this point, I only wished I hadn't spent so much time worrying about what I've already gone through and had spent more time thinking about where to go from here. Or figuring out who I am and what I'm interested in. Its pretty sad (and a little scary) to wake up and realize that you're a 27 year old mother of 4 who doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up. . . its sad, but I'll get over it and get through it. And I hope that happens sooner rather than later.
Its a relief to no longer worry about and dread the divorce, but at the same time there is a feeling that all that time I spent worrying was a total waste. Why did I worry instead of spending that time figuring out what to do next? Did I think time would stop once I got here, that I'd be given time to think it over before time would continue? Well, it didn't. Now that I'm here, I have to figure out where to go from here and I'm not really sure how to start that process because -- well, I never really thought that I would ever be here. I guess you could say I am totally out of my element.
Time marches on, that's for sure. One thing that I have come to know (even if I haven't learned to utilize it) is that time is the one thing you must pay for everything you do. Everything takes time. And you can't undo or reverse it. You can't get a refund or a do over. Does that mean I have learned time management skills? Heck no. But it does mean that I would like to. Like yesterday ;) Sadly, though, I have also found that if you don't know what you want to do with yourself and your life, you have no destination to aim for and no measuring standard to use to determine what progress you have made toward your goal. Because you have no goal. And "getting through this" is not a goal. Its a coping mechanism. A way to encourage yourself, to tell yourself you will make it past here one day because you're "getting through this" one step at a time. As coping mechanisms go, its great, but as long-distance planning goes, it kinda sucks.
In 4 days, it will be the 1 year anniversary of the day when my life officially changed courses. When I went from a "happily married", stay at home mom, on track and expecting to spend the rest of my life with the man I loved, watching our kids and grandkids grow to being a derailed single mom of 4 -- a displaced homemaker, constantly wondering. Wondering if I'm doing enough to compensate for the fact that their dad left. Wondering if I'm being a good mom and a good dad all at the same time. Wondering how I'm ever going to support my kids when I can't even get a job that would cover the cost of daycare, much less have anything left over to use to support my kids. Wondering what I'm going to do with my life. Obviously I'll always be a mom, but now I have to be more and I have no idea what that more needs to be. Or where to find the time to be it. Or the time to become it. Or how to transform into it.
I'm floundering a little, but I'm still treading water and we'll make it. God is for me, so who can ever stop me? God is with me so what can stand against me?
I'm not really worried about the future anymore. I've seen how God has led me through this divorce to a place where I never intended to be. I've seen how He has taken care of me and walked with me. I've felt His support and love and protection all around me every step of the way. And I am excited to see where we will go next and how we will get there. At this point, I only wished I hadn't spent so much time worrying about what I've already gone through and had spent more time thinking about where to go from here. Or figuring out who I am and what I'm interested in. Its pretty sad (and a little scary) to wake up and realize that you're a 27 year old mother of 4 who doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up. . . its sad, but I'll get over it and get through it. And I hope that happens sooner rather than later.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Last Meal
Well, in honor of breast cancer awareness month, I decided to get an adenoma on my nipple. Excellent. And tomorrow, I'm going to the hospital to have it removed then biopsied to see if it is malignant or benign. So tonight I had to stop eating and drinking 7 minutes ago. My "last meal" was a favorite of mine -- a 2 egg omelet (made from eggs my sister got from a friend who has her own chickens and yes, that does make a difference) with my own salsa in it (2 habanero peppers, 1 onion, 1 tomato and as much spinach as the liquid in the other 3 ingredients would contain) and cheese with sour cream and avocado on top with blueberries and kiwi and a cup of tea. . . I have surgery tomorrow at 4:30 pm so I'm going to be one hungry bear tomorrow. I sure hope I don't growl at the girls. . .
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Scraping off the paint
There is a poem I read as a teenager that I've always loved. Its called Paintbrush, author unknown, and I read it in a Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul book:
I keep my paintbrush with me,
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up,
So the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show me to you,
Afraid of what you'll do,
That you might laugh or say mean things,
I'm afraid I might lose you.
I'd like to remove all of my paint coats,
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
Now my coats are all stripped off,
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You're my friend pure as gold.
I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
And hold it in my hand.
I want to keep it handy,
In case somebody doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true.
But I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
Until I love me too.
I loved this poem. It was my mantra. It reinforced the idea that it was ok to act like someone I wasn't to protect myself. And I guess that was ok for then.
But I think I've finally gotten to the point where I love me, too. So now I am trying to strip off all my paint coats and show everyone the real, true me. Because I've seen the damage that comes when you marry someone while you've got your paintbrush handy. . . and it ain't pretty. I never want to make that mistake again.
Part of the problem, though, is I don't really know who I am. I'm still trying to figure that out. And maybe I won't ever figure that out completely. Right now, I know that I am a child of God, a single mother to 4 beautiful girls, a daughter, a sister, a friend. . . I try to do my best in everything I do. I'm not perfect. I'm opinionated, bossy, and intollerant of stupid people. I love children and cats and dogs (as long as they belong to someone else), good times, good friends and good food. I love life, fiber arts, and I want to learn how to dance. I'm sure I'll change and learn more about me along the way, but that's who I am now and I love me. :)
I keep my paintbrush with me,
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up,
So the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show me to you,
Afraid of what you'll do,
That you might laugh or say mean things,
I'm afraid I might lose you.
I'd like to remove all of my paint coats,
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
Now my coats are all stripped off,
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You're my friend pure as gold.
I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
And hold it in my hand.
I want to keep it handy,
In case somebody doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true.
But I need to keep my paintbrush with me,
Until I love me too.
I loved this poem. It was my mantra. It reinforced the idea that it was ok to act like someone I wasn't to protect myself. And I guess that was ok for then.
But I think I've finally gotten to the point where I love me, too. So now I am trying to strip off all my paint coats and show everyone the real, true me. Because I've seen the damage that comes when you marry someone while you've got your paintbrush handy. . . and it ain't pretty. I never want to make that mistake again.
Part of the problem, though, is I don't really know who I am. I'm still trying to figure that out. And maybe I won't ever figure that out completely. Right now, I know that I am a child of God, a single mother to 4 beautiful girls, a daughter, a sister, a friend. . . I try to do my best in everything I do. I'm not perfect. I'm opinionated, bossy, and intollerant of stupid people. I love children and cats and dogs (as long as they belong to someone else), good times, good friends and good food. I love life, fiber arts, and I want to learn how to dance. I'm sure I'll change and learn more about me along the way, but that's who I am now and I love me. :)
Friday, August 5, 2011
What the Bible has to say about divorce
Well, first of all the Bible says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), but allows for divorce for "just cause" which specifically includes adultery (Matthew 5:32) and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15) and God's mercy allows for the innocent party (the party that did NOT commit adultery or abandon their spouse) to remarry; however, they are not permitted to remarry their spouse (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). God takes relationships seriously. They are not revolving doors. Marriage is intended to be permanent and so is divorce.
I admit, I have said aloud a couple times that I am going to divorce Joey no matter what at this point, but we could always get back together and get remarried later if he were to get saved and repent of his adultery and abandoment, along with many, many other "ifs". I said this, never expecting that any of my "requirements" for a restored relationship will ever be met and to date they have not, but I will not be saying that any longer. Now that I know remarriage is against the Bible, it is no longer discussable even in theoretical terms. I am not in any way having 2nd thoughts regarding going through with this divorce; however, I wonder if he is keeping me in the back of his mind as a "backup plan" in case his life does not go as he hopes it will. I am NOT a backup plan.
God compares infidelity in marriage to idolatry (infidelity in your relationship with God) and describes marriage as 2 fleshes becoming 1, which means divorce is when 1 flesh is ripped in 2. No wonder it causes so much pain.
I know I am spending a lot of time blogging about divorce lately, but I suppose that is only natural. I blog what I know and what I'm learning about and right now, I am getting a crash course in divorce. Its not something I ever wanted to learn about or was ever curious about before, but I hope my going through this and learning more about divorce will help someone else. And that is why I blog it.
I admit, I have said aloud a couple times that I am going to divorce Joey no matter what at this point, but we could always get back together and get remarried later if he were to get saved and repent of his adultery and abandoment, along with many, many other "ifs". I said this, never expecting that any of my "requirements" for a restored relationship will ever be met and to date they have not, but I will not be saying that any longer. Now that I know remarriage is against the Bible, it is no longer discussable even in theoretical terms. I am not in any way having 2nd thoughts regarding going through with this divorce; however, I wonder if he is keeping me in the back of his mind as a "backup plan" in case his life does not go as he hopes it will. I am NOT a backup plan.
God compares infidelity in marriage to idolatry (infidelity in your relationship with God) and describes marriage as 2 fleshes becoming 1, which means divorce is when 1 flesh is ripped in 2. No wonder it causes so much pain.
I know I am spending a lot of time blogging about divorce lately, but I suppose that is only natural. I blog what I know and what I'm learning about and right now, I am getting a crash course in divorce. Its not something I ever wanted to learn about or was ever curious about before, but I hope my going through this and learning more about divorce will help someone else. And that is why I blog it.
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