Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Talking it through

If you're like me, you like to talk through issues to help yourself process them. And if your husband is the typical guy, he likes to fix things without really listening when you tell him about them. I have no idea how they think they can fix something without even knowing what the issue is. I guess they just think they are amazing like that. This is one of my favorite outlets to talk things through.

Life has been pretty chaotic for me recently, so I appologize for neglecting my blog. I really love blogging. I've noticed that when things get hectic, it helps me to think more clearly because I find myself thinking about how I'm going to blog about what is going on. Having my thoughts more organized is nice, especially in times that are full of change and especially if you are bad with change like I am. I imagine I will be blogging about my thoughts regarding the changes that are taking place more often these days as I am trying to work through my thoughts and figure out the future as much as I can before its the present. I don't know why I think figuring it out will make it easier to deal with, but that's what I'm thinking, so that's what I'm going with for now.

I've been doing a lot of sleeping these days. I think its an escape from the nausea and my own way of taking advantage of the time while my husband is here. I just don't see myself being comfortable taking a nap when Joey's away, regardless of how hormonal and exhausted I get. Addy is 5 and doesn't take a nap anymore and I just don't feel comfortable letting her fend for herself just so I can take a nap. Evie and Izzy take naps, so I imagine it will be easier for me to nap once Addy starts Kindergarden in August, but I'm really just hoping I find a way to get some extra energy to help me deal with the 3 months I'll be alone with the girls before Addy starts school. I imagine I will be going to bed much earlier once its just the girls and I.

Fortunately, I haven't vomited yet this pregnancy, but the nausea is pretty bad. I'm hoping that the nausea is a good sign that this baby will stick around. I'm also getting carsick. I got carsick a lot as a child and when I was pregnant with Izzy. I had a lot of motion sickness in cars and boats while pregnant with Izzy, so I've BTDT with the motion sickness, but it isn't much fun. Joey is usually driving when I have motion sickness, so I'm hoping it won't be an issue when I'm alone with the girls. Sometimes motion sickness is funny like that and only bothers you when others are in control of the vehicle. I'm hoping that is the case for me.

I still don't know what's going to happen with the dog when Joey's gone. He bugs me to no end and I really don't know how much of that is the fact that Joey and his recent choices are bugging me. I don't know how much Joey bugging me is coloring how I feel about the dog and I know I won't know that until Joey is gone. I'm not planning on getting rid of Rico until at least a week after Joey is gone if then. I may find I prefer having a dog around for safety reasons or I may find myself hesitant to take the girls' dog away so soon after their father leaves for basic. All I know for sure, though, is I have a limited supply of energy and if I don't have the energy to deal with the kids, the pregnancy and the dog, the dog may have to go so I will better be able to handle the kids and the pregnancy. I hate the idea of giving up and I am ashamed at how deeply I dislike the dog and I wish I understood my reaction to him, but I don't. All I can do right now is make decisions based on what I know and how I feel not what I wish I knew or how I wish I felt.

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